Day 160 - June 9, 2010

"Mom and Dad and the Pinks have been lost at sea," she cried out. - "Love" Jack's New Power: Stories from a Caribbean Year by Jack Gantos

I hope I never hear words like those above. But I know it's possible, and because of that I'm going to give each member of my family a hug today.

So technically.. I didn't do this. However. I have alternatives.

Lilo, of course, I hugged. I hug her all the time. She probably hates it. But she can't do anything about it, because she's a dog.

My mommy, I hugged, I'm sure. Because she hugs me all the time.

Hannah I didn't hug, but I picked her up after school and we drove around in search of the boy she liked. She told me I was being a creeper, but I think she secretly liked it.

And Daddy I didn't hug, but I did go with him to help with his roadkill pictures.. Which means, he finds roadkill and picks it up, and I take his picture with whatever dead animal it is. Today it was a squirrel. We watched Mamma Mia! together, too.

So in some way, I showed them all some love.

There was a guy at the mall the other day with a shirt that said FREE HUGS, and I thought we should test that, so I told my mom to go hug him. But then he turned around and the back of it said something about him being a champion slut hugger, so she decided not to.

Remember that Dave Matthews video with the guy who went around hugging everyone? Can we do that?

This has gotten more random than I'd originally planned for..

Also, on a personal note, I'm blonde again. :)

I will go to bed shortly, and hug Stitch until I fall asleep.

http://www.freehugsguide.org/

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Day 159 - June 8, 2010

"He's been through a lot, and he deserves some consideration." - Belle Prater's Boy by Ruth White

Sure, I'm aware of how I feel. Every minute of every day. But am I aware of how others feel? What are they going through? Are they having a good or bad day? Am I sensitive enough to sympathize or celebrate with them? Am I separating myself from eels and beetles?

Eels and beetles not having "interpersonal sensitivity," that is. I don't really know what to say about this.

I think most of the time I am aware of how others feel. I actually think that's something I'm good at. Whether or not I adjust my actions to reflect that might be a different story. I'm not really sure.

Summer makes me antisocial. I sleep most of the day and stay up late at night. I'm attempting to go to bed earlier tonight. It's 1am now, which shouldn't be early, but it kind of is.

Tomorrow is take 2 for Operation: Blondes Have More Fun. Wish me luck on that.

I'm going to go read before bed. How do you feel about that?

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Day 158 - June 7, 2010

Advice from friends is like the weather. Some of it is good; some of it is bad. - "The Baboon's Umbrella" Fables by Arnold Lobel

Today I'll be careful not to believe everything I hear.

I don't think I heard much today, believing it or not.

Although the Bachelorette shouldn't believe everything she hears from those guys.

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Day 157 - June 6, 2010

When you're feeling sorry for yourself, everything looks beige and gray. - Throwing Shadows by E. L. Konigsburg

If I feel like feeling sorry for myself today, I won't.

I could have felt sorry for myself about my disaster of a hair dyeing attempt.. But I didn't. It will work out.

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Day 156 - June 5, 2010

"You're not the boss of me," said Skippyjon Jones. "In your dreams..." said Mama. - Skippyjon Jones in the Dog-House by Judy Schachner

The only way I'm ever going to be Total Absolute #1 Boss of Myself is if I live alone. And let's face it - even though I sometimes act as if I want to live alone, I really don't.

It's funny because today I was pretty much alone the whole day. And I have lived alone for most of this year.

Sometimes I loved it, but sometimes I wished I had someone to talk to, or help me with something, or just.. to be there. Being by myself is nice, but I'm glad I have a roommate again next year. :)

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Day 155 - June 4, 2010

When I had some trouble I wrote to my grandma about it. - My Grandma, My Pen Pal by Jan Dale Koutsky

Today I'll give Grandma or Grandpa a call.

I will write her tomorrow. Really.

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Day 154 - June 3, 2010

"I know I don't need a dog. But this dog needs me." - Because of Winn-Dixie by Kate DiCamillo

I've spent enough of my life telling the world what I want, what I need. As of now, I'm shifting the focus to what others need. In fact, today I'll make it a point to identify at least one fellow creature (human or otherwise) with a need that I can answer.

There's a doggy on this page. I do things for my doggy. She needs people to do stuff for her because she doesn't have thumbs or a voice that speaks English.

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Day 153 - June 2, 2010

Tom had hoped today would be as ordinary as possible. - The Boy Who Saved Baseball by John H. Ritter

Today may be ordinary, but that doesn't mean it has to be boring, not if I find the extraordinary within it. And, anyway, who am I to blame the day? Is it the day that's boring - or me?

Today was ordinary, but not boring. There was a pot luck at church, which was good. It was Emil's birthday so we all went to eat and had cake and such. I baked cookies for him, the most productive thing I've done lately. Then I just chilled with some of my favorite boys.

All ordinary occurrences, but definitely ones that make me happy.

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Day 152 - June 1, 2010

[Chester Cricket] began to chirp to ease his feelings. He found that it helped somehow if you sang your sadness. - The Cricket in Times Square by George Selden

Will sadness visit me today? How will I respond? Maybe I'll try something I've never done before. Maybe I'll find myself a solitary place and quietly hum my sadness. Or - what the heck - maybe just belt it out. If it helps, I won't ask why. If it works, it works. Hey, if it's good enough for Chester Cricket ...

Yes, I was sad today.

I almost feel like that was the objective of the person who made me upset, because he did it so well. I don't really think it was, but..

I talked to someone today who made me mad and sad. Anger took over during some parts of the conversation, so I may have used that as a way to not be sad, which was probably not a good thing.

But I can't take it back and I wouldn't, because I meant what I said.

Another way to cope with sadness is to sleep, so I'm going to try to do that.

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Day 151 - May 31, 2010

Finally, the end of the month arrived. "It's time to unlock your banks," Mrs. O'Malley announced. - Willie Wins by Almira Astudillo Gilles

Is there someone in my house to help me manage my money? If so, I'll appoint him or her my Mrs. O'Malley. If not, I'll appoint myself.

What money?

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Day 150 - May 30, 2010

Her smile was like a big, warm hug. - The Day Eddie Met the Author by Louise Borden

Today I will give someone my best smile. I'll aim it at a person who probably doesn't expect it from me. As for the particular effect my smile may produce, I'll leave that up to the target.

It's very hard to smile when I am in this much pain. I am not comfortable. :(

But I will try to be :)

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Day 149 - May 29, 2010

And you greet the village chief respectfully. "Jambo, Mzee!" Hello, Respected One! - For You Are a Kenyan Child by Kelly Cunnane

My elders have already been down the road of years that I have yet to travel. Just for that, they deserve my respect.

I didn't disrespect any elders today.

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Day 148 - May 28, 2010

Grandpa says, "It's all right, Jessica. All artists make mistakes. And sometimes you can turn a mistake into something good." - Lunchtime for a Purple Snake by Harriet Zeifert

I get the point. If I make a mistake today, I won't get down on myself or treat it like the end of the world. I'll use it as a midcourse correction and continue toward my goal.

I think fourteen million hours of swimsuit shopping was a mistake. Although I did have fun with my mommy.

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Day 147 - May 27, 2010

Rachel was mindful of her mother's sacrifices and grateful for her support. - Up Close: Rachel Carson by Ellen Levine

Do I take my mother for granted? Do I appreciate her sacrifice and support? Or do I figure "Hey, what's the big deal? She's only doing her job." Or don't I even notice? Starting today, I'm going to notice. Starting today, I'll take a dusty old word off the shelf and put it to use. The word is gratitude. Tomorrow: Dad's turn.

Yes I <3 my mommy.

Maybe I will go see her now (at 2am) and we can be The Cuddlers again, because it is quite a loud crazy storm.

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Day 146 - May 26, 2010

When something frightening happens, the best thing to do, I think, is to stay calm, figure out what to do, and then (even if you're afraid) make yourself do it, no matter what. - Blow Out The Moon by Libby Koponen

If I get scared today, I won't panic. I'll use my head. It's good to know I have help ready and waiting between my ears.

Today was a good day. I was not scared.

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Day 145 - May 25, 2010

"I'm sure you're much nicer than you look!" - Pollyanna by Eleanor H. Porter

I will try to live this whole day without judging people by their covers. I will not assume that a grumpy face equals a grumpy person.

In Wal*Mart today.. There was this lady who, judging by her cover, was a perfectly nice lady. BUT SHE SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED IN WAL*MART. I think common courtesy is just something you should have while you shop in a place where tons of other people are shopping. She would take forever (always right in front of where my mom wanted to be looking) and just leave her cart a few feet away so that both her cart and her self were in our way. AND WE KEPT SEEING HER! It was ridiculous.

We also watched an interview with Jesse James, who cheated on Sandra Bullock. And after watching that, we thought he was a pretty nice (slightly troubled, though) guy. So if we had judged him by his cover (which was actually mentioned in the interview), we may not have felt the same. We kept an open mind. He seems pretty nice.

I do judge books by their cover, though. You can't blame me, though; I'd like to design book jackets for a living. So I kinda have to. I think I might do some reading before bed; a book I checked out almost solely based on its cover (it's hot pink!). Goodnight!

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Day 144 - May 24, 2010

When Flying Jack was four years old, people would ask, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" "A pilot!" he would say. - Flying Jack by Kathye Fetsko Petrie

I will be a responsible dreamer. I will feel free to have my dreams and to work toward them, but I will keep them in perspective. I will not allow them to run my whole life. I will not forfeit my self for my dreams.

I don't even know what my dreams are. So they obviously aren't running my life..

"Someone may have stolen your dream when it was young and fresh and you were innocent. Anger is natural. Grief is appropriate. Healing is mandatory. Restoration is possible." - Jane Rubietta

It's quite late and my laptop is going to die. So that's my cue to go to sleep and try to have some dreams. Good ones, please!

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Day 143 - May 23, 2010

"Forever and always," I said, "no matter what happens, we'll be best friends." - Stepping on the Cracks by Mary Downing Hahn

I wonder if I'll use the word forever today. If I feel it coming on, I won't stop it; I'll let it out. I understand that many Forevers in fact don't last forever. Big deal. I'll express how I feel now and let Forever take care of itself.

'Til the clocks run out of time

'Til the stars refuse to shine

I will hear you when you call

And I'll catch you when you fall

'Til the rivers all run dry

And the sun falls from the sky

This much I know is true

My love is forever, for always, for you..

So. I don't think I used the word forever today. Unless I said something like, Hannah, this will take forever!! Which, whatever it was, it obviously didn't, since we're not still doing it now. I think, generally, if I say forever, I'm exaggerating about a length of time. I don't really think that's what they're saying today.

I think they mean (even though it's still technically a length of time) .. like, relationships with people. And how you think they're gonna last forever. The book says that they probably aren't, but that it's okay to say they will.

It's like I waited my whole life

For this one night

It's gon' be me, you, and the dance floor

'Cause we only got one night

Double your pleasure, double your fun

And dance forever-ever-ever

Forever-ever-ever

Forever-ever-ever

Forever

Chris Brown is not really going to dance forever. He would spontaneously combust. And nobody wants that!

Best friends forever, our love will last forever, etc.. Sometimes those things are true. I think Amanda and I will be best friends forever. It's already been practically forever for us. With infantile amnesia (the only thing I remember from psychology?), we probably don't even remember a time when we weren't in each others' lives. Well, Amanda might. Since she's slightly older.

It may not mean nothin' to y'all

But understand, nothin' was done for me

So I don't plan on stoppin' at all

I want this s**t forever mine, ever mine, ever mine

I've obviously never had a love last forever. Which, right now, I'm pretty thrilled about, because I'm only 19, and forever is a freakin' long time.

And you flash back to when we said forever and always

And it rains in your bedroom

Everything is wrong

It rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone

'Cause I was there when you said forever and always

You didn't mean it, baby.. 

You said forever and always

Now, I think I will go to bed. Forever!! Just kidding. I might read forever until I fall asleep. Maybe forever is relative, haha.  

Some are like water, some are like the heat

Some are a melody, some are the beat

Sooner or later, they'll all be gone

Why don't they stay young?

...

Youth is like diamonds in the sun

And diamonds are forever

So many adventures couldn't happen today

So many songs we forgot to play

So many dreams are swinging out of the blue

We let them come true

Forever young

I want to be forever young

Do you really want to live forever?

Forever, forever..

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Day 142 - May 22, 2010

"Hi, sleepyhead," she said. "You've been missing a lot of pretty countryside.... It's been like something out of a picture book." "Has it?" Kit said with disinterest. - Down A Dark Hall by Lois Duncan

Do my parents try to maintain contact with me in simple ways I couldn't care less about? Does it ever occur to me that when they make dumb remarks, they really don't care what I say in reply? They just want to hear my voice. If such a remark comes my way today, I'll respond with some warmth and actual words. I'll give grunts and short, flat answers the day off.

I talked to my parents today. I even helped my Daddy with one of his many ridiculous projects.

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Day 141 - May 21, 2010

"Gecko," said Elephant. "This world is all connected. Some things you just have to put up with." - Go to Sleep, Gecko! A Balinese Folktale retold by Margaret Read MacDonald

If I were going to go corny on this subject, I might stop at the next worm I see and say "Greetings, brother!" Or, more seriously, I might take five minutes out of this day and look around myself and try, just try, to grasp the idea that I am connected to everything and everything is connected to me.

I'm sure it's true.. That we're all connected. We don't always know how, though. Sometimes not until much later.

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