Day 119 - April 29, 2010

To be afraid and to be brave is the best courage of all. - The Courage of Sarah Noble by Alice Dalgliesh

Today I'll do one small brave thing.

I started my final art project. That was a legitimate brave thing. I knew it would take hours, so I planned to work on it pretty much all day.. But I didn't, because I didn't want to start, because I didn't know if I could do it. It's due at 1:30pm tomorrow, though, so I knew I had to start it to finish it. And eventually I did. I recently finished it, and I'm actually pretty pleased. It's not perfect, but I think it's pretty good. Better than I thought it would be, at least.

Well, I suppose I should sleep now. Maybe I'll do some brave things in my dreams :)

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Day 118 - April 28, 2010

"You tried. All day. With a big heart. And that's what counts." - The Best Kid in the World by Peter H. Reynolds

Winning is overrated. Starting now, I'll repeat that to myself five times a day until it sinks in. Trophies and medals and blue ribbons are not the only signs of success. I can finish last in a race and still claim a victory that no trophy can express. What really counts is my effort, my heart. No one can truly defeat me without my permission.

A few things:

• Why would I give someone permission to defeat me?
• I finished last in pretty much every race I ran while on the track team, and I'm pretty sure my victory there was not dying while I ran.
• I think I won today :)

Anyway. I pretty much won at life today. Just sayin. And it was pretty cool. I think I enjoyed it. But I didn't win a prize or anything. I just won happiness. And that's a good thing to have.

I've been awake too long, and I'm losing the battle against sleep. Which is okay! Winning it would be overrated.

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Day 117 - April 27, 2010

We're moving today. I'm so scared God. I've never lived anywhere but here. - Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. by Judy Blume

If there's a big change coming, I'll feel free to be scared, but I won't go off the deep end. I'll keep busy and I'll keep talking, and pretty soon I'll feel at home again.

Uhhh, yeah. Moving sucks a lot. Just sayin. But I don't think that's what this is about.

I think it's about change. Which is happening, because classes just ended, finals start soon, and summer will bring changes. I've never had a summer break from college before. It's hard to know what to do.

Change just happened in the Delta Pi house.. Not our legit house, because that doesn't exist, but you know what I mean. Well, items have changed hands, which is sort of symbolic for other change, in certain situations. So that was interesting. And long. Very, very long.

I am definitely not thinking straight at 2am right now.. So I'm going to change my position on my bed.. And go to sleep.

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Day 116 - April 26, 2010

The whooping cranes take off like feathered spears. Once more to northern nesting grounds they go. May it always be so. - Song for the Whooping Crane by Eileen Spinelli and Elsa Warnick

I may never see a whooping crane, but in some small way it's nice to know that as the elements of my life come and go, tumble and change, I can always count on that big white bird heading north year after year after year. May it always be so.

So basically there are some things that never change. Constants that you can look to, like the changing seasons, migrations, sunrise and sunset, God's love (if you believe in that, which, I do).

When everything else seems to be going crazy, you should be able to look to those things and chill out, because some things never change, in a good way.

Since the sunrise is something that always happens, and since the sunrise brings an 8am (my last of the semester!), I will acknowledge another constant - sleep.

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Day 115 - April 25, 2010

"Sorry, Dewey, but someone has to go last. This year it's our turn." - Book Fair Day by Lynn Plourde

If I find myself last in line today, I won't get bent out of shape. Who do I think I am, some Prince of the Universe who never has to be last? Last happens. First happens. It's called life. Big deal.

Gosh, if I were Prince of the Universe.. What would I do?

But yeah, I don't really mind being last in line.

Unless it's last in line to sleep. And with the nighttime cold medicine I took, that is definitely not the case. Good night.

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Day 114 - April 24, 2010

He said practicing every day was more important than how long I practiced. - Playing Dad's Song by D. Dina Friedman

If I wait too long to lift my dream, I may find that it's too heavy. But if I start now, day by day, every day, someday people may marvel at how much I can carry.

Since I've just gotten back to MaWa from hanging out with Rabbit and Matt.. I'm currently thinking that my dream should be a better relationship between Delta Pi and Theta Chi. Until I talked to him tonight, I didn't really understand that our relationship is not the way it should be. My big has been telling me that I need to love the boys, and hang out with the boys, and I was told the same thing tonight.

I think the reason I didn't notice so much is because I do try to love the boys and hang out with them. I totally love my brothers; they are some of my favorite people in the world, and I think just as highly of them as I do of my sisters. They're crazy important to me and I really don't know what I would do without them.

So I guess my dream for today's quote is that Delta Pi and Theta Chi get to be a total dream team (Jay-Z and Beyonce, Tessa and Daniel, Delta Pi and Theta Chi). By the way, it's for some reason really hard for me to spell the word Theta. It takes a lot of mental effort. Anyway.

I'll go ahead to bed and dream about the dream. Goodnight, brothers and sisters! (And everyone else, too)

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Day 113 - April 23, 2010

When they reached the school, Little Brown Bear waved good-bye to Papa Bear and blow Mama Bear a kiss. - Little Brown Bear Won't Go to School! by Jane Dyer

Do I ignore my parents when other kids are around? Next time my dad drops me off somewhere, I'll say "Thanks, Dad." Next time I'm with my mother and we bump into my friends, I won't act as if I don't know her.

I always know my mother.

Usually.

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