Day 90 - March 31, 2010

Angel decided to make the most beautiful kite in the world. - Angel's Kite: La estrella de Angel by Alberto Blanco

Today I will find out what kind of kid Angel is. I will make a list of three things that I can make instead of buy.

Three things... You can make dinner instead of buying it at a restaurant. Although you have to get the ingredients. You can paint a painting instead of buying one. You can make clothes instead of buying them, assuming you're talented enough. You could make crystal meth if you had a meth lab in your basement. Then you wouldn't have to buy any from your local drug dealer.

That last one was slightly strange; I'm not in a great mood at the moment, so you'll have to forgive me.

I just.. Well, I don't know. Today Brian and I got to make a list (instead of buying one) of people I could take to function. So maybe I'll ask some sisters and see what the consensus ends up being. I'm not thrilled at having to find another person to take. It's not awesome. But anyway.

I made my bed, instead of buying it.. And even though that doesn't make sense, it would make a lot of sense if I were dreaming. Hopefully.

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Day 89 - March 30, 2010

Some days sting and others pour like sugar from your spoon. - "Squeeze," Squeeze: Poems from a Juicy Universe by Heidi Mordhorst

Will my today be sting or sugar? Whichever, I've got an attitude ready to handle it.

Is there an in-between? What would that be? Hmmm..

At any rate, I don't think my day was either sugar or sting. Nothing terrible happened, and nothing spectacular happened. So I don't really know what to say about this.

Although, there was an incident that was freak out worthy. To me, it would have been, usually. But I didn't freak out. I was chill about it; stoic, if you will. I started an online journal, one that only I can read, so that I can say anything and everything. So I typed out this huge huge ridiculously long blog - it had so much content; it was insane. It was the longest blog I've probably ever written. I finished it and clicked "PUBLISH POST" - at which point, it would usually say something like, "Your blog has posted successfully!" This time, though, it gave me an error. And it didn't save, either, like it normally does periodically through typing. So I lost everything. It was pretty upsetting. But I was chill about it, almost uncharacteristically, I think.

Today was a lazy morning after my Calculus test. Then a busy afternoon. I quite preferred the morning. After the test and a leisurely breakfast, I pretty much stayed in bed. I possibly (probably) shouldn't have, but I didn't really care.

So right now, my back is killing me. There is the sting. But I am about to leave you to cook (throwing that term around pretty loosely) some Ramen. There is the sugar! Goodnight :)

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Day 88 - March 29, 2010

You can't take [words] back.... They sit there like big damp frogs. - Western Wind by Paula Fox

And those frogs croak all night long. You can't shut them up. You can hold your mouth open for the next ten years and they will not hop back in. Happily, there is one fool-proof protection against regretted word-frogs: Don't let them out in the first place.

Today, if I feel myself about to release a word I'll regret, I'll bite my frog.

This is one of the more disgusting metaphors I've heard. And today, I didn't say anything I'll regret. I try to not regret anything, anyway.

But sometimes words do come out that you don't mean to say, and you just have to hope that people forget about it or don't mention it, haha.

Keep your mouth shut while I go to sleep (after finally studying for my Calculus test, that is).

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Day 87 - March 28, 2010

Bear in mind that it is not fine clothes that make the gentleman. - The Adventures of Pinocchio by Carlo Collodi

Today when I meet someone wearing expensive clothes, I will resist being impressed. When I meet someone wearing cheap clothes, I will resist feeling superior.

I think.. That despite what I may have said on Friday afternoon, people who wear Hokie tails.. are not ridiculous/lame/funny looking people. Some of them are actually not so bad. They do look funny when they wear Hokie tails, but I should judge the inner Hokie instead. I think I can do that :)

Tonight has barely begun. It is half past midnight, and I still have to do a long MCOM assignment and write my Honors application essay. Yes, I should have started sooner. Yes, I would love to go to bed right now. However, when I got back from Cambridge tonight, I was not in a great mood. That's no reason not to do work, I know. But right now, I'm in a pretty darn good mood. I'm not exactly sure why, although I think I have a pretty good idea.

So (while in my cheap, crappy looking sweatpants.. you can't feel superior!) I'm going to try and get to work. Night!

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Day 86 - March 27, 2010

Yet I'm sometimes impatient, sad, angry.... - Brown Honey in Broomwheat Tea by Joyce Carol Thomas

Syllogism: Bad feelings are part of being human; I'm human; therefore, bad feelings are part of me. I won't coop them up. I won't apologize for having them. I'll give them some slack, let them express themselves. It's part of who I am. It's OK.

It really bothers me that this book always has "OK" instead of "okay."

Also, I never apologize. Because it's too laaaaaaaaaaaaaaate.

But really, I don't. Because I don't think I should apologize when I don't mean it, which, I rarely do. Not like I'm evil/terrible or anything. I just don't do things that I need to apologize for a lot. And if I do want to apologize, it's usually irrational and I try to keep myself from doing it. I have an example, but I'm not going to mention it.

It's almost 2am and someone just "CAW"ed in the hallway.

And clearly I have bad feelings. But really, I don't know if I believe that they're bad, either.

My feelings right now are that I should sleep.

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Day 85 - March 26, 2010

"But I know you are telling me the truth, Ben." - The Angel's Command by Brian Jacques

Do people trust you enough to say that if you say so, it must be true?

I hope so. I'll try to make it so.

Yes. I think people trust me enough to believe me when I say something is true. But that is all for tonight. Goodnight.

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Day 84 - March 25, 2010

When David gets in trouble, he always says... "No! It's not my fault!" - David Gets In Trouble by David Shannon

Why don't I ever put the blame on myself? What am I afraid of - respect? If I screw up today, I'll point the finger at myself.

But, wait - I was gonna blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol.

Actually, today has been somewhat of a good day. It's had its frustrations, like stupid painters leaving paint everywhere so it gets on my clothes! But overall, it's been good. I haven't really had much to blame myself for, I don't think.

Except for the fact that it's 3:24am and I still haven't gone to sleep yet. I blame myself for that. Goodnight!

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Day 83 - March 24, 2010

If Houdini could hold his breath for five thousand seconds in his crate in the ocean, than Victor could certainly hold his breath for five thousand seconds in his tub in the bathroom. - The Houdini Box by Brian Selznick

It doesn't take Victor long to discover that he cannot match his role model, Houdini. Role models are good only if they are used correctly. ... What a role model can do is inspire you to spend the time and effort to achieve a goal of your own.

I will not try to become my role model. I will use my role model to try to become a better me.

First of all, five thousand seconds is more than an hour. How can anyone hold their breath that long?

Second of all, I'm not sure that I have a role model. Not like a celebrity or anything. Although, I do have a very good book called What Would Audrey Do? which tells me how to be like Audrey Hepburn in life situations. If I had to choose a role model, I always said that Audrey is who I would say, but I really don't know.

I do think that there are people I know who I would like to be like. Real people, though. I'd like to be as kind and genuine and amazing as my sister Elizabeth. I'd like to get as excited about things that make me happy as my sister Erin. I'd like to be as sweet as my sisters Tessa and Christina, and as fun-loving and ready for anything as my sisters Sierra and Melyssa. I'd love to be so cool that I can just do cartwheels anywhere and everywhere like my big sister Jess. I'd love to be as real and talented and beautiful as my grandbig Britt. I'd love to be fearless like my sisters Mary and Rachel, and as loving as my sisters Lindley and Samantha. I'd like to be tough like my sister Kaylee, and kind (and practically perfect) like my sister Katie. I'd like to be as fun as my sister Ashton and as self-assured as my sister Mary K. I'd like to be as good a person as my sisters Haley and Jessica C. I'd love to be as wonderful and thoughtful as my sister Libby. I would also love to be as caring and accepting as the sisters who I don't really know are to me. (I've never met Ashley, but I know she reads my blog and I'm sure she's amazing! :))

Yeah, so.. If you didn't already realize, I think my sisters are pretty awesome, so if I'd ever want to be like someone else, it would be them.

They help me to be a better me, not to be a clone of them. The better me is going to start studying now (it's only 8pm!), so thinking about how awesome they are must really help! ;)

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Day 82 - March 23, 2010

"It doesn't matter if you're an amateur or a pro poet. Nobody knows until they try it...." - Sister Slam and the Poetic Motormouth Road Trip by Linda Oatman High

How will I know what I can do and can't do, what I do and don't like, if I never try anything new? Today I'll try a new thing. And next week another new thing. And every week for a year. Because the time is always TNS time!

TNS is apparently code for "Try New Stuff" time. What did I do today that was new? Stayed up until 5:30am. I never do that. Went to CCF, which isn't new, but I probably haven't gone but once this semester. Today I had lunch with a possible replacement for Goolsby. That was new; I don't do that every day. Not that I have the opportunity to, but still. She was really awesome. I love her and I want her to be my art teacher. But anyway.

Today someone asked, "Are you feeling really Delta Pi today or something? Because you've got a lot of turquoise on." My response was, "I feel really Delta Pi every day!" It's true, I do. :)

I was totally on schedule until a few hours ago. I wrote down everything I was doing from my last class until 10:30. I should have kept writing, because after that is when I stopped being productive. I went from class to dinner to doing the Speak Out to preparing for my study session to the SAA meeting to my Foundations meeting to my study session to the Delta Pi meeting. Then I lost it. No more productivity. Well. I did my Calculus and put pictures on the hard drive for Alex. But that was all. It's 1am and I still have a paper to write. I don't really understand what's going on with my crazy sleeping schedule lately. I do understand that I'm really really tired at the moment. I would love to take a nap before I write my paper, but I'm worried that I won't wake up. (Not that I'll die, just that I'll sleep until the morning, when the paper is due.)

Oh, I just want to mention today that I love my sisters and brothers. They are all wonderful.

My friends are, too. :)

I'm going to try a new thing. A nap at 1am. Wish me luck!

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Day 81 - March 22, 2010

"How about a drink?" "What can I get you?" "Want a beer?" - Drinking: A Risky Business by Laurence Pringle

...For now, my answers to the questions above are as follows:
1. No.
2. Fruit juice.
3. No.

Awesome. Well, I think this book assumes that I am a child.

I think I can handle myself. I also think I've been legal once already, so I feel like this is kind of irrelevant.

Also. If you say you don't want a drink, you cannot then ask for fruit juice. Fruit juice is a drink.

It's almost 3am and I'm not really very tired. That's a good thing, because I have an art project to do that I haven't started. My lack of sleepiness is probably due to the five hour nap I took today.

Was I tired today? Well, I'm always slightly tired. But no, I wasn't really. I slept for five hours so I could avoid seeing people. I skipped one of my classes (and didn't do the work for another one). I had lunch at the Deli instead of the cafeteria so I didn't have to try to avoid people in a small room. I had dinner at 7:30 so I could avoid people. Today has been only slightly less terrible than yesterday. And that's only been recently (by recently, I mean, around 11-12).

Why have the last two days been so crappy? Well, if you know me, you can ask me. Basically it involves people saying things about me that aren't true. I'm not even completely sure who is talking about it, or who has heard. Either way, it does not make me ecstatic. The opposite, in fact. And tomorrow I will probably not be able to avoid the other subject of the rumors, which slightly worries me, since I don't know what I will do about that. But.. I don't know.

Good things?
My friends who know about that are being really awesome and telling me how awesome I am, and that I don't need to worry about it, that I'm strong, amazing, etc. and can therefore handle anything.. And that if I can't, they'll punch people in the face for me.
I talked to a friend today who is going to come with me to Function, so that's exciting. I think we'll have fun, and sisters and their dates will like him :) - actually, I know we'll have fun. That's why I asked him to come.
I have a plan for this art project, which doesn't often happen. (Actually, it does happen. That's why I'm a Graphic Design major. The ideas are what I've got. So nevermind that last part.)
I got five hours of sleep today!
The work I didn't do (a paper for Foundations) had its due date changed to Wednesday, so nobody even needed to know that I didn't do it.
I didn't have a tour today.
I got to have Deli lunch with Kristin.
I am listening to my Gloriana station on Pandora, which often involves me singing along.
I did my Calculus homework!
Brianne's pictures are BEAUTIFUL. Never have I looked so lovely in pictures.

And now I should get to work on my art project. First I need a drink, though! Don't worry, it's just ginger ale! :P

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Day 80 - March 21, 2010

I would not climb any stairs if I were Masai. I would lift a cowhide flap, and I'd be home. - Masai and I by Virginia Kroll

Today I'll choose some country, some culture, I've never before given a moment's thought to. I'll read about these other people, how they're both different from me and the same as me. It is good to know my earthly neighbors.

No. I didn't research any country or culture or anything. I'm having a terrible day, and it doesn't seem to be getting any better. People are stupid. My "earthly neighbors" are stupid. I don't want to see them or talk to them. That is all.

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Day 79 - March 20, 2010

"I...err," I say. "I mean...ummm...yeah." - The Earth, My Butt, and Other Big Round Things by Carolyn Macker

If it's possible, just for fun, I'll record some conversation between me and my friends. Then I'll transcribe five or ten minutes' worth. I'm curious to see how much sense it will make and what I might learn about communicating better.

My conversations are not so ridiculous that they can't be understood. I didn't record any, but I did watch a video Katherine made for me, where she talked to me. So I listened to that. And we type conversations all the time, so we know what we're saying.

Today was very much fun!

I got to sleep in, have omelettes (mmmm.. I'm verrrrrry hungry), go to an awesome baseball game, take a nap, go to the play, and then go out with my sisters! We had a lot of fun dancing and such. Delta Pis are pretty freakin' awesome, just sayin'. But I think everyone knew that already. :)

Now I have to communicate that it's time for bed. Since it's .. 4am. Night!

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Day 78 - March 19, 2010

Even the queen is obliged to take a holiday from her cares and woes. - The Queen's Progress: An Elizabethan Alphabet by Celeste Davidson Mannis

Today I'll give my biggest care the day off.

Today, I had no cares. I gave them all the day off. Even though I'm not exactly sure what cares I have, I definitely didn't have them today. Today was a wonderful day. Would you like to hear about it?

I skipped breakfast to print a paper, which was sad, but not so sad, because I needed to print the paper, and sleeping in just a little bit is always nice. I went to my classes, took a nice break, had a lovely lunch with different people than usual, which was a nice change of pace, and gave a tour.

While on my tour, I saw Brianne, Sarah, and Annie walking towards Van Dyke/duck pond/etc, so after the tour I thought I would see if I could find them. They were at the duck pond, as I had predicted they would be, and Brianne was taking pictures. So I joined them and was one of Brianne's models for the day. It was lovely!

Keep in mind that today is both dress day (which means I wear a cute springtime dress) and freakin' nice weather, which means I'm in a fantastic mood.

I took a nap for a while, sat with Kevin and Elizabeth at the Hut for a while, and then had dinner with Annie, Marisa, and Cesiah (I'm really name-dropping in this blog, today.. not sure why). We headed back to MaWa where I got ready for meeting Jess.

Jess picked me up and we had a lovely night, where I met at least five new people and spent time with at least four who I did know. Milkshakes, magicians, and hammocks. That kind of night. I really think that Steve made me probably the best milkshake ever. Just throwing that out there. So we had a chill, fun, relaxing end to the week/start of the weekend.

No cares at all, yo. :)

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Day 77 - March 18, 2010

"What is that music?" Kenya asked. "It's jazz," Daddy said. "Jaaaazz." - Kenya's Word by Linda Trice

I hereby declare this week Jazz Week. Each day for seven days I'll take at least ten minutes to listen to a different "flavor" of jazz. There may be some new music in my future.

Soooooo happy birthday to Amanda YAY.

And since it's jazz week, it's not a terrible thing that I didn't listen to any today, because I have all week. Jazz week. That's freakin' ridiculous.

Anyway. Today was good.

In my future: Jazz, apparently. Paper writing. And then sleep.

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Day 76 - March 17, 2010

For the McKeevers were down on their luck. - The Leprechaun in the Basement by Kathy Tucker

Next time hard times hit my family, I won't just go off on my own happy little tangent. I'll ask Mom and Dad how I can help.

I think they're talking about hard times being easier to handle when they're shared, which I suppose makes sense. They also mention good times being more fun when they're shared, so they're probably right.

This seems like a somewhat depressing quote for St. Patrick's Day, though.

I love it when everybody wears green. Could we do that with other colors on other days, too? It's pretty awesome. But it's also like a huge mass brainwashing. Which, in a way, is sort of cool, too. A weird way.

Could we get a mass turquoise day going on? That would be hardcore.

I should really do some sketches or something.. since they're due tomorrow, and all. Wish me luck!

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Day 75 - March 16, 2010

Sometimes a person needs a quiet place. - A Quiet Place by Douglas Wood

Yesterday, and the day before, I think my whisper voice tried to reach me. But I did not hear. Today I will get myself to a quiet place, and I will listen. Today I will hear.

I live by myself. (Yes, technically, I still live at home. But for the majority of my time right now, I live at school, with no roommate. So I say that I live by myself.) So my quiet place exists whenever I want it to. Like right now. It's pretty quiet. I can hear the heater/air conditioner thing. And myself typing. And AIM whenever Jimmy sends me a message.

I ate dinner by myself, at least for a little bit. Until I was assaulted by brothers and sisters :)
I wasn't really attempting to be as awkward as I was; I was actually trying to avoid it, seeing no room at the table and not wanting to make people scoot over so I could pull up a chair, etc. etc.. And it turns out, I'm awkward either way. Awesome.
But I'm glad they are awesome enough to come see me when I sit by myself. I did mention a blog that was going to be "Why I Love Will Garrison." There, that's reason #1. And all the reasons I can think of at 1:20am. Sorry! ;)

Oh, and Happy Birthday to my mommy! Who should stop reading my blogs now, thank you.
Shhhhhhh. Katie's going to sleep, now.

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Day 74 - March 15, 2010

When I'm sad, my mother gives me fruit and a glass of milk. Then we talk. - Sly the Sleuth and the Food Mysteries by Donna Jo Napoli and Robert Furrow

I'll keep this in mind next time I feel a sadness or some other problem spilling over me. My ritual may be fruit, milk, and a talk with Mom - or it may be totally different. I will seek a familiar, comforting shape into which to pour my problem.

Who is getting sick of this? This is my 75th blog. Doesn't that seem excessive? I know most people get sick of their resolutions and quit within the first month or so.. It's taken me slightly longer, but I'm definitely tired of doing this, as you can probably tell from the way I've been reacting to the prompts. I haven't decided to quit, yet, though. Because I feel like that would be stupid and pointless. I can still do it, so I still should. I decided I was going to, so I should stick to it.

When I'm sad, what I do about it really depends on how I feel about it. If I want to continue to be sad, I'll listen to sad music (my sad music used to be John Mayer. Now I don't think I have anything specific) or watch a sad movie and just be by myself, sad. Perhaps with ice cream. (Phish Food is the best combination ever for sadness - chocolate and chocolate and caramel and chocolate..) If I don't want to be sad, I'll listen to upbeat/happy music (rap and hip hop is good for that; Kid Cudi is really great to feel good to) or exercise or do something fun with people. So it all depends.

Hey, look at that. I actually talked about what I was supposed to.

I told Brian about my entire Spring Break, and we have collectively decided that it could have been better. It wasn't bad or good; it could have been better. Sorry, Katherine. I know yours was awesome because you got to be with us (quote!), but you'll understand why mine wasn't spectacular, as you were there for the unspectacular parts of it. But I love you either way, so that's good.

Since it's 12:36am and I have 8am Calculus lab in the morning, I should probably get to sleep. Don't be sad, though! I'll be back tomorrow.

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Day 73 - March 14, 2010

"Spring's come early! Let's celebrate!" - Groundhog Stays Up Late by Margery Cuyler

... Hey, you know spring when you see it, but the calendar says Not yet. Does that mean you've got to wait til March 21st to feel good about all this? to shout "Yahoo! It's spring!"?

In two words: Heck no. Because life doesn't always happen according to a timetable or calendar. And feelings can't be scheduled. So as soon as I see that first crocus... "YAHOO!"

I don't know what a crocus looks like.. I also don't think I'll ever say "Yahoo."

Feelings can't be scheduled. Wouldn't it be convenient if they could be? Yes. I think so.

Shakira and myself are ready for the good times, however, I am still sick.

Also, I can't shout about spring yet, because it's supposed to be cold and rainy tomorrow. Plus, I'm going to still be sick.

Happy Pi Day. I didn't have any pie today. :(

But life doesn't always happen according to a calendar.. Like, I'm going to try to go to sleep early tonight. (Don't know what that has to do with .. anything.) Anyway.

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Day 72 - March 13, 2010

I have long since learned not to believe idle stories. - An Unlikely Friendship: A Novel of Mary Todd Lincoln and Elizabeth Keckley by Ann Rinaldi

Bad things about other people - I hear this stuff all the time. How much of it is true? How much do I believe? Starting today, I won't believe these things until they pass several tests:

• How trustworthy is the person saying it?
• Can it be verified by others or by me?
• What do my own best instincts and common sense have to say about it?
• Is my judgment impaired because I'm too anxious to believe it?

Sometimes you can't even believe what people say about things that only they would know about. If someone says, hey, I feel ___ about ____, you would think you could believe them. But you can't always.

It's hard to be able to distinguish what is true and what is not.

I am SICK. I can't breathe, and it sucks. I wish that were not true. I feel terrible.

Believe what you want, but be cautious, too.

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Day 71 - March 12, 2010

When people come up with new ideas, they have to have confidence in themselves to say, "I CAN DO IT!" - The Hero Book: Learning Lessons from the People You Admire by Ellen Sabin

If I get a new idea today - or any day - I won't run from it. I won't trash it. If it's something I really want to do - I'll do it. (Who knows, maybe it will lead to a parade someday.)

Yeah, I bet it's important to talk in all capital letters when you think of something new.

My new ideas today? I'm sick. I can't breathe. And .. something else I learned from Greg and Liz.

However. Something I really want to do that I should do? Maybe I can fix something with that. I'll let you know. Or I might not. We'll see.

This medicine is (thankfully) making me drowsy, so I'm going to go to bed, and hope for a parade.

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Day 70 - March 11, 2010

Spoon was afraid of losing what little was left of her - his memories. He was afraid of forgetting her. - Sun & Spoon by Kevin Henkes

Could I ever forget any member of my family? Of course not. But why don't I show my affection for them in a touchable way, right now? Why don't I collect from each of them a little, living keepsake and put them in a special place in my room? Someday I'll be glad I did.

I think that's stupid and I'm electing to not do it. Plus, I'm sure I have those. Or couldn't get them, because everyone related to me lives so far away.

I feel like.. crap. Basically.

"Can I just say, I think you're kinda awesome. And I'm kinda awesome. And if we put that together, it would be like.. twice the awesome."

"I don't know."

Yeah, well. I do. So. Figure it out, stupid. You don't have unlimited time. I have to leave. There are people there that could change things. It's not an Elliot Yamin song. Even though I sometimes feel like it is.

Also (and this one's directed more at myself), don't do stupid things. Jeez. Like.. really, Katie. That level of idiocy was totally uncalled for.

Yes, I'm being extremely vague. I know it. I don't really care at this point. Because basically, I'm living a Lady Antebellum song right now. Since it's just about 1:15am and all. I've also been explaining things with songs, but not by title, by artist. So I know what I'm talking about, but not everyone does. I used to always say, "That's a song, you know." Whenever anything reminded me of one. Which was all the time.

Now I'm rambling. Probably because it's past one. So since I need to be up early tomorrow, I should sleep.

I don't have any trouble remembering you. So remember me, and that I need thoughts from you. Helpful ones. Goodnight.

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Day 69 - March 10, 2010

And so Colin had come down, delighted to be needed. - The Various by Steve Augarde

Requests for favors don't always come at the most convenient times. I might be busy with something else. Or dozing off. I might forget to feel flattered that someone is depending on me. I might not be tuned in to how good it feels to be needed. If someone asks me for a favor today, I'll try to give the right answer.

Today I am playing with Katherine! We're going to paint the town blue and pink and bronze and turquoise! Who knows what we will dooooo?!

We're watching America's Next Top Model. It's so fun!

"You should know who Perez Hilton is. Just saying."

Oh, Tyra.

So I was sleeping this morning and my mom was like, "It's your turn to take out the dog!" So I got up and took the dog out, and then went back to sleep. I think that was the favor I did. Without too much grumbling.

Also, I am doing Katherine a favor by giving her the night of her LIFE at my house tonight. So I'm writing this before the fun happens, since I'll probably be really tired at the end of the night. I have no clue what we're doing. Burger King for milkshakes, Jimmy's house to see Jimmy, playing some games, watching some movies.. We will see! :)

So do me a favor, and SHUSH. Because you (girls on Top Model) are being stupid. Until tomorrow!

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Day 68 - March 9, 2010

"It wasn't long after that when television antennas started to sprout from the rooftops like weeds in the springtime. And the more they grew, the fewer boys and girls came out to listen to my stories." - Kamishibai Man by Allen Say

When I'm not plopped in front of a computer or video game, am I plopped in front of a TV? Have I been duped into thinking TV is the only way to admit stories into my life? What other forms of storytelling am I missing just because I refuse to click the Off button on the TV remote? ... Click.

I don't watch TV. Just sayin'. I never watch it at school, only when I'm home. Today, instead of watching TV, I went to church, went shopping with my mom and sister, cleaned my room, and had friends over. So that was pretty good. And I'm sitting in front of the TV now, but it's off.

I'm frustrated. Very much so.

Wish I could control the weather.

Not the weather. People. Don't know why I said weather. I'd like to be able to control people. Not in an evil way. Just so I could not be so frustrated.

I think I need to go to bed, soon. There's no TV in the bedroom!

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Day 67 - March 8, 2010

If we cannot serve in one way, there is always another. - The Door in the Wall by Marguerite de Angeli

There are opportunites all around me, good things needing to be done. Maybe I just haven't been seeing them. Today I'll look in different places.

Today I brought breakfast to some people I care about. I don't think it was really a service, since.. It was just some boys I know. Although, one of them forgot to set his alarm, so my text telling him I was coming over did wake him up for class.

Today was a wonderful day with Josh! We went to Krispy Kreme for breakfast, brought breakfast to my boys, and then walked around Richmond having fun together :) And it was beautiful! Warm and sunny and fun!

I baked pies today, three of them! I cooked egg-tatoes, too. I drove all the way to Richmond, and even parked on Cary Street, in between two cars (That's actually a pretty legit thing to do, especially well)! I feel like a big girl :)

"I want to talk to you."

"The last time we talked, Mr. Smith, you reduced me to tears. I promise you it won't happen again."

Yes, please. Let's talk. About real life things. Okay? Thank you!

But until then, I will try to do good things. And until then, I'm going to go to sleep. Goodnight!

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Day 66 - March 7, 2010

"Mom, I found this dog sitting all by himself. Can I keep him?" - Can I Keep Him? by Steven Kellogg

OK, so maybe I want a pet. But how about what the pet wants and needs? Am I ready and willing to take responsibility? Or will I dump it onto my parents when the novelty wears off? I'll hold off pleading my case until I have the right answers to these questions.

Yeah, I already have a dog, though. So this is not quite relevant. Today was a good day, despite the fact that.. I am confused, and me and Emil had nothing to do all night. We did talk a lot, which was good. And I'd hope that I'm confused in a good way. But probably not.

Anyway. I really wish I hadn't given up Facebook for Lent. It's more difficult this year than it was last year, because last year I could just see people in person. Now it's Spring Break, so I want to connect with people that are here, so I can see them, and keep in touch with Emory folks, because I kinda like some of them. But I don't know. I'm gonna keep not going on. I suppose I'll just have to call people or something. Haha, crazy talk, I know.

So. Don't try and keep a puppy. It rarely works. Night!

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Day 65 - March 6, 2010

Never laugh at anyone's religion, because whether you take it seriously or not, they do. - The Long Secret by Louise Fitzhugh

Whether or not I believe in God - whether I go by the name of Christian or Jew or Muslim or whatever - I will grant everyone else the respect that I expect them to show me.

I have laughed at someone's religion; namely, (only I'm not naming any denomination) one concerning a puppet show that was slightly strange. But I don't do it to anyone's face. I'm not going to make judgments/laugh about something that I don't do/understand to the people who do whatever it is that I find strange. I'd probably want to know about it, anyway. (Not having an example makes my generally vague statements even worse. Sorry about that.)

I also don't want anyone to do the same with me. I want to go to church; I like going to church. Mostly when I'm at home. So it's nice when I can do that.

I don't really think I have anything else to say about this, so. I'll go to bed so I can be bright-eyed for church tomorrow. Night!

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Day 64 - March 5, 2010

My master fails to notice, Though I know that he is smart, The incalculable sadness Deep within my dragon heart. - "I Am My Master's Dragon" The Dragons are Singing Tonight by Jack Prelutsky

Today I will be wary of appearances. I will make no assumptions about others - except that there is more to them than meets my eye.

I don't think people do this about me. They just assume.

I am unhappy tonight. I will be going to sleep very very soon and hopefully entering a (much brighter and with less evil things and chase scenes) Wonderland, like Alice.

By the way. If your initials are HMR or E(L)MR, I would rather you stop reading this blog. Thank you very much.

Anyway. There isn't much to say. People make assumptions all the freakin' time. So, I guess, don't. And goodnight.

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Day 63 - March 4, 2010

"I just felt like... like everyone was looking at me, expecting great things, and that no matter how well I played, it wouldn't be good enough." - Boys in Control by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor

Of course I don't want to disappoint people - or myself - with a poor showing. And that's why I will practice concentration as well as performance. So that when the time comes, it will be just me and my task out there, doing our best, letting expectations take care of themselves.

I can't believe I almost forgot to do this. It's 4am right now. I was in bed, about to fall asleep, and then I thought, OH NO! I forgot my blog.

I think today has something to do with me finishing the yearbook. So it's optimistic for me, which is very good.

It's 4:03 and I can't sleep, without you next to me I toss and turn like the sea.

Do you know why I'm awake right now? Because of the highlighter party. Which I'm sure I'll be able to talk about when it's not two and a half hours from when I need to get up.

Awesome.

By the way, I love Britt Morgan and I will miss my grandbig very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very much.

And now..



I'm going to not disappoint myself right now, and go to sleep.

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Day 62 - March 3, 2010

"I was constantly surrounded by chances to do wrong," [Jackie] said. "Success seemed a distant dream." - 50 American Heroes Every Kid Should Meet by Dennis Denenberg and Lorraine Roscoe

I want to succeed. But life won't necessarily make it easy for me. Chances to do wrong will tempt me. If one tempts me today, I will say "No."

The death of my sanity is imminent. Experts say it will be within the next 24 hours. I know this is hard for you to hear, especially since sanity is valued in this era. But as the Stoics say, I am only returning what I have been borrowing. It is time for my sanity to be returned, so I must return it and show no emotion about the return. It is not a loss, for it was never mine to begin with. Man, the Stoics were awesome.

I think this book has too much about saying no, not saying no, saying no again.. It just confuses me. Especially with the decline of my ability to reason today. I am even more confused than I might have been.

Yes, I do want to succeed. I want to finish this stupid yearbook and be done with it, before I chop off my own hand. Like the Covenant Code. Only, not really. Because that would mean I'd chopped someone else's hand off, and then.. they could chop off mine. Anyway. Can you tell I've had Foundations today? It appears to be the only thing that has stuck in my brain, besides, have to do stipple drawing, not going to finish, need to do 160 more pages of a 160 page yearbook (that's not completely true, we've done some pages. Actually a lot. But there are a lot left), maybe I should skip Web Design and work, am I going to get to sleep tonight? etc. So actually there are a lot of things stuck in my brain. None of them are very happy or optimistic or .. whatever the opposite of stressed is.

So I should either go to bed (which would be awesome) or do my art project (which would be beneficial to my grade).. Either way, I hope to succeed. In everything I have left to do.

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Day 61 - March 2, 2010

Once upon a time, there lived a boy who feated on books and was wild about animals.... All in all, he excelled at fooling around. - The Boy on Fairfield Street by Kathleen Krull

Little Teddy Geisel wasn't born with a tag on his toe saying "World-Famous Author." He was just another kid on Fairfield Street. A fool-around kid. In many ways just like me. My assignment today doesn't require me to get up out of this chair or even out of bed. All I have to do is wonder - wonder what sort of interesting person I might become.

How do they know I'm sitting in a chair?!!

By the way, Ted Geisel is Dr. Seuss. Today is his birthday. Except that he's dead. But you know. Whatever. He died when I was one. On my parents' anniversary. How fascinating.

I do wonder a lot of things. I wonder how I'll finish the yearbook. I wonder how I'll survive the trip home. I wonder how people feel, especially someone in particular, about something in particular. I wonder what will happen with .. this. I wonder when I'll know. I wonder.. yeah. Lots of things. Some good, some bad. Some stressful, some exciting. All will be revealed in time, just what amount of time, I wonder?

So I'm wondering.. And going to bed.

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Day 60 - March 1, 2010

"I have heard so many convincing doomsday predictions that I should have seen the world end at least six times in my lifetime." - Starbright and the Dream Eater by Joy Cowley

Naysayers and doomsdayers - what would we do without them? By telling us we are bound to fail, they inspire us to succeed. By telling us the world is a rotten place that's going to end tomorrow, they turn our attention to what's good and beautiful today. Call it social ecology: Like wasps, even "No" people have their place.

Tell me about it. I've already got "No" people in my life. Always complaining. Finding fault. Never satisfied. Always putting other people down, including me. One of these days I'm going to thank them for providing a public service.

First of all, I just want to point out the fact that I am such a girl. In fact, give me a minute while I run down the hall to tell somebody something. Hehehe. I'm currently in a good mood, thanks to some news that has made it apparent just how much of a girl I am. I'm singing and dancing and skipping. And knowing that I know what the "news" is, my reactions seem quite silly. But at the moment, I don't really care. :)

I copied the whole page today, because it had the thing about wasps having a place in the world. Emory's mascot is the wasp, so I found that fitting. I just wish it weren't so hard to say. Amanda and I were looking at the menu for the cafeteria, and some football guys came in and passed us. She said, "They're the Wasps, Katie!" Haha, yes. Because that's the school mascot. I was amused.

Someone just knocked on my door in mini-crisis mode, saying that she knows I'm an artist, do I possibly have a ruler? I did have a ruler. She said I'm an artist. :)

People that say I can't do something. (Trying to get on topic. It's difficult at the moment.) Yeah, they can suck it. Pardon me. But, they can. Sometimes I'm one of those people, though. I'm not always optimistic about what I'm going to get done. Right now, especially. I'm worried about this yearbook. Since all 160 pages need to be done before we leave for break. Which is Friday. Today is Monday. So you can understand my high stress levels at the moment. Luckily I've got things to make me happy, too. :)

And I will get it done. I'm crushing that pessimist that lives in my head, as much as possible. Yep. Confidence, Cohen.

I'm really distracted at the moment. And SO energetic. I could run a mile. But I won't. I've got Calculus homework to do. :) I'm even excited about that!

I hope this feeling lasts.

Goodniiiiiiiiiight :) :) - You can do it!

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