Day 31 - January 31, 2010

In some cities Robinson is not allowed to stay in the same hotels or eat in the same restaurants as his white teammates. - Baseball's Best: Five True Stories by Andrew Gutelle

Lines of separation are all around me. Do I follow these lines? Or do I dare to be a pioneer, dare to break them?

I'm really upset that I didn't already write this one, because I just had to get the other two out of my notebook and type them. I do my blogs the day of, even if I'm not at a computer. Just so everyone knows. I'm not cheating.

Okay. Lines of separation. I don't really know what to say about this. I might have to relate it to rushing.

We signed up for rush dinners today, all of them. That's six sororities. We all know that we aren't going to like them all. Especially since we "know" about some of them already. So I think that my friends will probably not go to all of the dinners. But I want to go to all of them. I want to break that line of separation and go to all of the dinners. I hope at least someone will go with me to all of them. Although, I'm really not sure if I'll go to all of them.

The first is Tuesday night. Delta Omicron Pi. The theme is Mafia. I have until midnight tomorrow to RSVP creatively. So I'm thinking about what I'll do. Amanda and Katherine have helped, and depending on transportation, I will attempt to put their two ideas together.

If you don't know, I currently think that I want to be a Delta Pi. So it's pretty important to me that I make a good impression, since the rush dinner is the only time they can talk to me before bid turn-ins. I guess I'm pretty nervous.

I really really need to go to bed, I think. I'll try and talk about things I've neglected to tomorrow. But I can't promise anything.

Also, I've done this for a whole month already! That's amazing.
Erase those lines, guys. Just gotta get a good eraser. (I recommend Staedtler plastic.)

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Day 30 - January 30, 2010

Franklin knew how to entertain himself. - Make Your Mark, Franklin Roosevelt by Judith St. George

If I find myself alone today, will I feel lost? Empty? Helpless? Will I feel my life can't go on until I'm in the company of my friends? Am I such poor company to myself? I hope not.

This is day two of Divine Rhythm. It's a lot of fun. I'll talk about it more Sunday when I can type it rather than write it.

I didn't really find myself alone today, given the nature of this weekend, though we did have free time for a while. I had dance practice while everyone else went to WalMart, and at first I couldn't find the dancers, so I was alone freaking out, talked to the cute bass player of the worship band, then found some of the Design Team to hang out with, and then another dancer found me.

After that and lunch, we all entertained ourselves with a much-needed nap. I had a dream about rushing. It involved a guy who doesn't really like me wearing a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup outfit and being my friend, us all getting into the sorority we wanted, and me performing Devil Went Down To Georgia.

But that was basically all the alone time.

Although, I am alone lately in a way I didn't use to be, because my roommate moved out. It sorta sucks, but I think I'm doing better alone than I thought I would. We'll see, I guess.

Emma, Brianne, and I just talked about rush/pledging. They're rushing with me but 99% sure they won't pledge. I sort of think I will. If I get a bid for the one I want. But I guess I don't know.

I think it's funny how Day 29 was about belonging and Day 30 is about being alone. Strange.

So, if you find yourself alone, don't worry about it. You are company enough.

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Day 29 - January 29, 2010

And nobody did or said anything to make me feel like I didn't belong. - In the Wild by Sofia Nordin

Do I feel unwelcome somewhere? Well, I have news for them. The universe - you can't get bigger than that! - welcomes me into the Humanhood of Life, the Society of All Creatures. I do belong.

Today I felt like I didn't belong. Even with people where I thought I should.

I'm currently in Tennessee for Divine Rhythm, where I'm on the dance team. It's snowing and the weather is terrible, but it didn't keep us away. I was actually hoping it would, because I didn't really know tonight's dance, so I was worried about that, plus I've got a lot of work I feel I need to do. Actually I can feel my heart beating faster as I write this, getting worried about things again. Okay. So.

We got on the bus and everyone immediately has someone to sit with. So I'm by myself. And everyone's talking to everyone else, except me. So I feel I don't belong.

But then we got here and I met the girls from the dance team. And they were really nice, and the dance actually went well. Everyone said that I did well! And there was worship, and I knew I belonged. Not like a, yeah, I belong to Humanhood, or whatever. But like, everyone's there with each other worshipping together, and we all belong. The bus ride back to the cabin, I talked to the girls.

Now I'm watching a movie with Sophie and Joanna, but I hope to go to bed soon.

I think, you just have to find where you belong. Which is sometimes hard. But it's possible.

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Day 28 - January 28, 2010

My friends thought I was crazy. - Brave Harriet: The First Woman to Fly the English Channel

Today I'll do something unpredictable.

Basically, if no one thinks you're doing something crazy, then you're boring. Or, that's what the book seems to be saying. Actually it says that you're in danger of becoming boring.

I really didn't do anything unpredictable today, I don't think. Although, something that would be unpredictable to some people that know me, might be totally predictable to someone who knows me in a different way.

I did do something that Allie and Prof. Coburn found unpredictable in Web Design today, but I'm not going to go into specifics because of what it was. But they weren't expecting me to talk about it. So there was that.

I have a lot to say, but not about the subject, and it's really late and I have to be up really soon. So I need to go to sleep. I'm practically falling asleep at the wheel here.

Do something unpredictable, though. It's fun. It makes things/life interesting, and you'll get great reactions!

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Day 27 - January 27, 2010

Then yesterday, before my bath,/As I took off my clothes,/A chunk of something gray and wet/Fell right out of my nose. - Parts by Todd Arnold

Is there a hypochondriac in me? If so, I'm going to show it the door. Hypo, you're not coming between me and my good health!

I never think I'm sick when I'm not. Actually, when I am sick, I deny it. I drink orange juice and fight it off with my willpower. Sooo.. check!

Most of Jack's stuff is gone. I rearranged. TIME FOR SLEEPOVERS!

And time for sleep. Get well soon!

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Day 26 - January 26, 2010

For me, reading books and writing them are tied together. The words of other writers teach me and refresh me and inspire me. - The Moon and I by Betsy Byars

I hate it: the dreaded Writer's Block. Brain Constipation. Next time it hits me, I'll be smart. I'll seek help. I'll remember that writing's sibling is reading. Right over there is a book I've enjoyed before. I'll reach for it...

I got to Calculus early today, and luckily, I had a book with me. Actually, one I've enjoyed before. Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. To be exact.

And Josh, yes, I probably am.

So I did today's task before 8am, even! Great work, Katie.

I don't really have the time set aside to write the blog, today, (my day today and tomorrow are scheduled down to the minute, basically) and I know I'm already going to neglect some homework type things that I should do.

Nothing really of interest happened today, so I'll just break it down: Calculus, breakfast (including freakout, not by me), slight loneliness, lunch, art, art (yes, twice), dinner, ZUMBA, endorphins, maturity, silver lining, scheduling, procrastinating (NOT on the schedule!!), and hopefully soon, sleeping.

So goodnight, all. Go read something.

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Day 25 - January 25, 2010

"I thought I was invisible before you." - The Opposite of Invisible by Liz Gallagher

Am I visible to others? More important, am I visible to myself? Do I get down on myself? Do I think I'm worthless? Do I think if I disappeared tomorrow, the world wouldn't even notice? Here's the thing: If I'm visible to myself - if I am worthy in my own eyes - then I will surely be visible to others.

If I had written this blog earlier, it would have been really optimistic and great and such. Because earlier, that's how I felt. I was jammin', walking down the walkways, feeling super confident and like everyone suddenly loved me and I could do anything.

Actually, a great song to feel like you can do anything to is Up Up and Away by Kid Cudi. I was listening to it and totally rocking out. Mentally, not physically. People might have found that strange.

So I thought I was doing a good job of being visible to myself, which in turn, made me visible to others. On days I feel more confident, I notice that more people talk to me. Which is pretty awesome.

So I was feeling great, completing the task, etc. And then Jack came back to the room. I hadn't seen her in a while, if you recall from the last blog, where I mentioned it. She came over to my desk looking like she was upset, and needed to tell me something. She did that shifty eye thing that you do when you have to say something but you don't want to. "Have you heard?"

She looked really upset so I immediately thought, oh no, she and David broke up. I turned off my music and was like, "Heard what?"

What I hadn't heard (I don't know who I possibly could have heard it from) was that she was moving out. So I no longer have a roommate.

I left then, and tried to find Annie. I couldn't find anyone so I went and got my coat from my room where she, her boyfriend, and her new roommate were there packing up her stuff.

I just left the dorm with nowhere to go, and I called Katherine because I couldn't find anyone else. I walked around campus for a while until Annie found me and took me back to MaWa. She and Annie talked to me and made me feel slightly better.

Of course, then I came back to the room and texted my mom to tell her, so she and my dad both called me. When I clearly didn't want to talk. So I yelled at my mother.

And now I'll go to sleep in my own room, because I should probably wake up for my 8am Calculus tomorrow. Even though I didn't say much about it, seriously be visible to yourself. Because when I was today, it was really really great.

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Day 24 - January 24, 2010

Oh, Callie - I miss you so! - Mama, Let's Dance by Patricia Hermes

There is no specific instruction for today. Simply this: a heartening confirmation that my relationships with others are the most and the best of my earthly experience. And a reminder that the time I share with my family and friends is something to be celebrated and lived to the fullest.

The book always has a quote, a summary, and then the "task." Today I'm going to put in the summary, too, because it explains this better than I could.

"If you had to express the human experience in just six words, the quote above would be as good a choice as any. In this heartfelt cry, we hear the love the good and the bad times, the shared history of two human beings, two earthlings. The experience doesn't end with the exit of one person or pet but rather continues in the heart and outcry of the one left behind. No book, not this one or any other, can duplicate the experience or erase the pain. In crying out, you are being as human as you can be."

That quote is actually slightly depressing, if you think about it. So I'm not going to think about it too hard.

Today was stop number one on our church tour. I plan to write about that in a second blog. The address for that is http://www.ehcchurchsearch.blogspot.com/, if anyone is wondering. Which I know you are not, since I think that most of you have probably stopped reading this blog. Why would you possibly want to read another? I haven't posted anything on it, yet, anyway.

I think that even though we didn't all necessarily like the service as much as we like the ones we're used to, it was definitely a time of love and sharing. Which fits with today.

I try to let my friends know that I love them. Maybe not by saying those exact words, but I try to in some way.

If my roommate is reading, I'd like her to know that I've forgotten what she looks like (as has everyone else, except for the boyfriend), but that I still love her.

My friends Annie and Emma and I are going to all rush together. It's sort of scary. I don't know if we'll all pledge. They say they're not going to; they're just going to rush. But I feel like I would want to pledge if I rushed. Maybe I'll change my mind. Maybe they will. Who knows? I also worry about my blog when I'm rushing/pledging. I wonder if I'll get the chance to do it, because I know how crazy those weeks are, and how little time you have for non-sorority things.

By the way, if you read this still, vote on the poll! No one has, haha.

I think I'll try to sing myself to sleep now (like a crazy person?!), so goodnight! I love you :)

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Day 23 - January 23, 2010

He loved the Hudson City YMCA, where he'd become hooked on athletics during a season of indoor floor hockey as a first-grader. - Emergency Quarterback by Rich Wallace

Am I taking advantage of what my community has to offer? Am I ignoring opportunities to get hooked on a lifelong passion? The bait is here, dangling all around me. Today I'll bite.

I didn't participate in anything that I wouldn't normally participate in today. I did clean my room, which was GREAT. I know, I sound like a freakin' party girl. Especially compared to Katherine's blogs.

I took advantage of the community's Old Navy to get a dress that I need.

And Marisa, Annie, and I will be starting our church tour tomorrow. So that is something that fulfills today's "I Will." We're going to go to lots of different churches to see which we like the best. Tomorrow is Methodist.

I'm thinking about doing a blog for the church tour. Thoughts on that?

I do take advantage of things on campus. I'm pretty involved, especially for a freshman.

So take advantage of what happens where you are, wherever that is in the world.

And goodnight!

:)

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Day 22 - January 22, 2010

Each of us should be able at least to "brighten the corner" where we are. - Charlie Brown, Snoopy and Me by Charles M. Schulz

Today I'll do something that makes my corner of this world just a little brighter.

I'll confess that I didn't do much for this. I did redecorate my bulletin board on my door for Valentine's Day. It is cute and pink and full of hearts and pretty much sickening. But it brightens the world a little. If you're feeling like love.

Someone (or 4) said that all you need is love. So there's that.

I did almost nothing today besides class and a tour. I've been watching How I Met Your Mother, which I just entirely caught up on. I had 13 episodes to watch when I woke up this morning. And now I've got none.

I'll really try to brighten things, though. Really. Brighten the space, brighten people's day. All of it. Good night!

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Day 21 - January 21, 2010

If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world. - The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien

How much does money matter to me? More than cheer and song? Do I have my values in order? Today I'll take stock.

Obviously money matters. Although, I don't have any. But it matters.

Could I marry rich? That would be great.

I know, I know. Money doesn't buy happiness. But having it doesn't mean you're unhappy.

(There's a magic salary that [I think you have to live on your own for this to be true] is apparently the perfect amount to have, somewhere between $40,000 and $50,000 - this is the amount the happiest people have, or something.)

We went to a play today, "All's Well That Ends Well." The Bard, of course. (I don't know why that's an "of course.")

The jester guy said at one point, "No, madam, 'tis not so well that I am poor, though many of the rich are damned."

[James says hi :) ]

He said that and it reminded me of today's page. So I really do think about this book. I read the page for the day in the morning (sometimes the night before and the morning of) and then I spend all day thinking about it.

Since I have to be up quite soon (well, 6ish hours), I will try to go to sleep now.

I think what they really want from this.. is for people to be happy. Don't think about what you don't have, but cherish what you do. Cheer and song should be more important, so cheer and sing!

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Day 20 - January 20, 2010

"This hawk was hit by a car, and its wing was injured," said Hannah. "The driver brought him here." - In Good Hands: Behind the Scenes at a Center for Orphaned and Injured Birds

Accidents happen to everybody. What matters is how I respond. I will not be a hit-and-runner; I'll be a hit-and-helper.

What sucks about this is that I'm pretty sure I (just spelled sure, "shure") did something to accomplish this today. I really remember noticing it and thinking, oh, I can write about this.

But I don't know what it was!

This is extremely bothersome. I'll go through my day and see if anything strikes me.

I went to breakfast at a ridiculous hour.. Ate with Jennie and Marisa.. Then went to Calculus, where I learned almost nothing.. Continued on to Foundations, which wasn't as bad as usual. That might have been where I did something.

We were put into groups to discuss questions about creation stories. I talked, even. The people in my group were cool, I felt like I had guy friends. Maybe that was it. I felt like I responded well to the "accident" of being put into a group, which I don't always like. Because I talked to them, tried to contribute, and even NO. THAT'S NOT WHAT IT WAS.

Today I called Apple. I talked to a nice man named Roderick. I was having problems, obviously, but I was quite cheerful and probably made this guy's day. He sort of made mine, too. :) I think it was because I told him I was doing fantastic today, so I had to be fantastic. Which he told me I was, in the follow-up email. It/he was quite nice. Except I called him Roger. I hope he didn't notice.

Even though he was the one helping me, I think I did a hit-and-help instead of a hit-and-run, because I think I helped brighten his day!

Yesterday I mentioned a lot of work that had to be done today, and I have not finished it all. I'm going to give up sleeping in tomorrow in favor of more artwork.

So I should go to bed and get some sleep! Respond to accidents well, guys! They don't just happen on the highway.

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Day 19 - January 19, 2010

It was late one winter night, long past my bedtime, when Pa and I went owling. - Owl Moon by Jane Yolen

Tonight, or some night soon, I will go owling.

The book wanted me to go out on a winter's night and hear the call of an unseen owl. Well. I don't know where any owls are around here. But I did go out on a winter's night. And I spent lots of time with Brian, at the Artalk and at Byars working on art. I did a good sketch for my descriptive drawing. Brian is the owl, because he quite likes owls. So I did complete my task.

Recently I have been continually reminded that Amanda is my bestest friend forever. Because let's face it, she just rocks. And I <3 her lots and lots.

It's sort of imperative that I read for Foundations and MCOM tomorrow, because I won't have any time before class, and I'll probably have a quiz in each one. So I should go, because tomorrow I will probably go insane with the amount of work I have to do. If you don't hear from me, that's why.

Hoot, hoot!

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Day 18 - January 18, 2010

"But which one is the best?" asked Emily. "Whichever one you like," her mother replied. - Emily's Art by Peter Catalanotto

My own personal tastes are just that - mine. Hey, I like what I like. End of story.

It's talking about you knowing what's best for you, not anyone else. That's STUPID.

I don't know what's best for me. I don't expect to.

I know when I'm unhappy. But I don't always know how to fix it.

It's not as simple as clicking "like" on Facebook.

Goodnight, all. This blog was ridiculously short. I don't care. I like that; it's what's best for me right now. So there.

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Day 17 - January 17, 2010

So it turned out I was okay at some things but really awful at others. - The Off Season by Catherine Gilbert Murdock

OK, I admit it (to this page, anyway) - I'm not perfect. Sometimes I see kids do stuff that I know I'll never be able to do as well. And that's cool. I'm OK with it. For three reasons: (1) It's all part of who I am. (2) Who cares how good I am as long as I enjoy it? (3) Nobody else is perfect either.

Should I make a list? Of things I'm not good at? I'm sure I could. I don't actually know if I could make the opposite list. Things I'm good at? Somebody would definitely have to help me with that list, because I just don't know.

Something I'm not good at: Keeping my emotions in check. I suppose that isn't always a bad thing. If I could keep them in check, I'd feel/look like a robot. I can't, though. So my head hurts from crying, which I've done all day. In the cafeteria, on the way back to MaWa, in my dorm room with Annie, in my dorm room with Jack..

Remember when we talked about the "fact" that you all (friends from home, anyway) hadn't seen me cry, even though I do it all the time? I think everyone at Emory (and their mother) has seen me cry. A lady I don't even know came up to me asking if she should/could call someone, and was I okay?

If something makes me upset to the point of crying, I'll cry whenever I talk about it. Never fails. Even if I'm trying to not.

What is it? My mom and sister were supposed to come to visit me today, but they called while I was at lunch saying that they wouldn't be able to. So it was very upsetting.

So I cry all the time. There was even a blog about it. But if I were good at keeping my emotions in check, I know I wouldn't be me. And why would I want to keep everything inside anyway? That would be stupid, and so much work.

It's really early, so I won't go to sleep now, but I might take a nap or do some drawing.

Just remember that if you suck at one thing, you have to be good at something. So don't worry about what you're not so good at. It's probably a good thing.

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Day 16 - January 16, 2010

There's a lot of pressure on kids to excel both in class and on the playing field. - "In Defense of Misfits" by Andrea Uva

I won't be pressured into high achievement every minute of my life. I will reserve minutes today and every day from now on just for fun, just for me.

Today was Girls' Night! And I didn't really want to go. We were leaving at 5. Everyone was getting dressed up. They were going to O'Charley's and then to see Youth in Revolt. I wasn't going to go, but then at 4:48 I went to Annie's room, saw how cute she looked, and she and Mary Beth said, Katie! Go get ready, you're coming with! So I got ready very very quickly, and went along.

Dinner was fun. We had a fun waiter, and we had to wait for about an hour and a half, so they gave us free appetizers. We had a crazy good time at dinner, too! Then we went to Walmart. Because we had time to kill, and apparently when you have time to kill, you go to Walmart.

Then we went to Youth in Revolt. It was funny. Definitely rated R, haha. I'm sure some other things happened as well.

So I wasn't going to do today's "I Will," but knowing what it was, and having people convince me to go with them, helped me to accomplish it.

I even did some work today, to balance it out. Although mostly all I did was update my calendar. It was still productive!

Since it's quite early in the morning, and I was possibly planning to go to Spark at like.. 11.. I should probably go to sleep. AND my mommy is coming tomorrow. Or, later today. :)

So, since you've read this WHOLE blog, go out and do something fun!!

:)

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Day 15 - January 15, 2010

I've always been a dreamer. - My Dream of Martin Luther King by Faith Ringgold

Yes, I will be a doer, a worker, an improver. But to begin with, I will be a dreamer. I will give my dreams a room of their own, where they can romp and play and develop until one of them is ready for action.

It's MLK's birthday today, so that was the inspiration for this quote/task, I'm sure.

I'll start by saying that I'm sure I do have dreams, but I'm not sure I know what they all are. I've obviously got the long term dreams, like finding love and getting married and having lots of beautiful children. That sort of thing. But I don't know what my short term dreams are.

My iPod was on shuffle today and played "A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes." I thought it was fitting for today. But it says that a dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep. I know that's not true, because I've had some pretty weird dreams that I would not want to come true.

Lately I've been having really really weird dreams. I remember a lot of them (upon waking; not so much now) and they are so strange. They haven't been good lately, as you might remember from yesterday. I think it was yesterday. Hopefully tonight's will be good.

Another thing I thought fitting for today, "Dreams become a happy release, so have them, and encourage them to be sweet." Brittanye actually retweeted this from Alex from ATL tonight, and it came to my phone randomly.

I thought that was really cute, and fit with the "Today I Will" for tonight.

Today I did something crazy. Something I couldn't even dream about. I have been worried about it. I dreamed of chickening out, and hoped/wished that I wouldn't. And I didn't!

The Outdoor Club did their annual Cold Dip, which I decided to go to. It was like a polar bear swim (I think that's what it's called), and basically, we got into swimsuits and walked into a freezing cold river. There's snow everywhere, ice on the river, and we're going into it. It was CRAZY. All you did was walk in, go under, and come back out. It was such a rush, though. It was really scary, too, though, because when I was trying to get out of the river, I couldn't. I thought I would never make it out, and that I would surely go under again and drown. No one helped me get out, and I fell, scraped my knee on the rocks, and still couldn't get out.

Eventually I did. It was SO cold then. I felt like pins and needles were ALL OVER my body.

It was amazing, though.

Later we went to a concert; a band called Ohio Avenue played at school. They were really good! I enjoyed it. And they stayed after to talk to us, which was really cool. Because not only were they good musicians, but they were just generally really cool guys. It helped that they were cute. But mostly they were just really chill and played a great show for us.

Then we decided to make a McDonald's run at 11:30pm. Which was fantastic. Didn't even realize I was hungry. Probably wasn't. My McFlurry was yummy, though. As were my Apple Dippers.

Now, I'm going to go to sleep, and have fabulous, fantastic, amazing dreams.

Dream on!

:)

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Day 14 - January 14, 2010

"Silence can be a good thing, you know, partly because it helps one to listen." - Clair de Lune by Cassandra Golds

Today I will enrich my life: I will shut my mouth. I will make no noise. I will pursue silence. I will...listen.

Okay, so I spoke today. Obviously. I had intentions of not, but when I get to the cafeteria for breakfast and they need to know what I want to eat, it's a little hard to not talk.

I didn't talk as much, today, though. And I definitely made an attempt to listen more, since I thought that was the important part of today.

And I don't know if it was because I was listening harder, but it seemed like more people talked to me today than usual. People that don't usually talk to me, that is.

I will tell you about my day, now. Because it's been interesting. I've just exaggerated, I think.

At 4:44am I woke up. Yes, that is a ridiculous time to wake up. Would you care to know why I woke up then? Okay. Saddam Hussein was trying to kill me, so I was scared for my life, and I had to force myself to wake up. It was really terrible, actually. I couldn't escape him, and I couldn't save anyone else, even though I tried. He even followed me into outer space. On the same shuttle! It was legit really scary. I wanted to crawl into Jack's bed. But I didn't.

I got back to sleep and successfully didn't dream about him anymore. That was good.

Then I got up to go to breakfast, and since I was being somewhat sil

ent, I didn't sit with anyone, so I didn't talk. After breakfast I went back to sleep until lunch.

Then it was time forrrrrr... DRAWING CLASS. Which was actually okay. Goolsby knows Brian and me so well that he put our easels next to each other AND gave us the same cubby :)

We drew a still life for an hour or so and then had a lecture. Before the lecture, as we were finishing our still lifes, (still lives?) I .. can't tell you. Wow. Thought I could, but I just can't type it. I'll send it to PostSecret.

Anyway. Then I went to Web Design, which also got better. I have 2 pages of a website now, haha. It's www.janecatherine.com, if you were wondering. I know you were. It's obviously not very amazing at the moment, but I've got some ideas.

We all went to dinner together and then Brian and I came to the Mac lab, which is where I am right now. We made brilliant use of the scanner. It was SO much fun!

Oh, and while here, I read Katherine's blog. My comment to it was, "i hate you." But that's not really true, because I don't. I'm just jealous of the fun you always seem to be having. Boys inviting you to parties, etc. etc.. I am amazed that she is talking to me right now instead of out doing something fabulous. Although I suppose, since it's only 8:10.. I clearly don't even know when people are supposed to be out doing fabulous things.

I really should go back to MaWa and read for tomorrow. Maybe I can show up my Foundations teacher, who seems to not like me after only 2 days of class. She will like me, and she will be nice to me. It's settled.

So goodnight, everyone. And remember: SHHHHHHHH!

;)

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Day 13 - January 13, 2010

"Look. Somebody's going to be worried about you." - The Great Gilly Hopkins by Katherine Paterson

Sometimes my parents' constant worry about me feels more like a hassle than a gift, but even if I can't always see it their way, I'll respect them enough to let them know where I am and to come home on time.

Obviously, this doesn't apply in the same way as it would to someone who is still in the house for most of the time. Which I am not. But I could.. not be annoying when they call me, I suppose. Actually, a better way to put that would be, I could.. not get annoyed when they call me. Sometimes it's a piece of work to talk to your mother on the phone, let me tell you. When she runs out of things to say, she'll want to know what I had for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

This blog is going to be shorter than usual for a few reasons. One, it's 1:10 and I have a meeting at 1:30. Two, I'm probably not going to get back (if I were to come back later and finish it) to the library today. Would you like to know why? Of course you would!

I have that meeting. I don't know how long it will take, but I don't really want to go. But I have to, because WHO signed up to be yearbook editor?! Oh yeah! ME. Idiot.
After the meeting, I have class at 4:30. (PHILLYYYYYYYYYYY)
In between, I hope to work out and shower, assuming I have time. (I'll be working out with the Pussycat Dolls, if anyone wondered. I know someone did.)
Then class gets out, and since pretty much everyone I know and love will be in that class with me (we're all going to go to Philly together, YAY!), we'll probably all go to dinner, and then to the basketball game.
THEN at 10pm there is a movie in The Hut, and it is The Princess Bride, so I will obviously be going to that.

So you can see how there isn't much time.

I didn't say much about today's task. It's something you work on, I think. My mommy's coming to see me on Sunday. (I say that because she's one of my parents.) You know what, though? I am already a pretty respectful daughter. I don't break any rules. I do what I'm supposed to. I'm basically a pretty good girl. So, I don't really feel like I have to do much with this.

Hey, who are you? Turn around, sir.

I see, don't listen to my thoughts.

Jerk.

Oh, you did.

Well..

Turn back around.

Anyway. Since it's 1:17, I'd better get back to the dorm and get stuff so it looks like I'm prepared for this meeting. LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER.

;)

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Day 12 - January 12, 2010

"Don't be sad because you're small," said Mrs. Field. "Small creatures can do wonderful things." - Something Wonderful by Jenny Nimmo

Have I been assuming that I have an edge because I'm big - or a curse because I'm small? If so, today I'll scrap that junk and replace it with this: Do I really want the prize? Gumption gets it, not my size.

Okay, first I'll mention that I did have to look up "gumption" just now. It means: courage, initiative, spunk, agressiveness, resourcefulness, spunk, etc. And yes, I would suppose that those having those things would get you what you want, rather than your size.

Isn't the world tailored to different sizes anyway? With exceptions to very very tall and very very small. I'll acknowledge the lack of convenience for someone on either extreme. But if you can't reach something on the top shelf, there are ladders. I'm trying to think of a contrasting example for tall people, and if I know any, they are escaping me.

I like my height. I like being 5'8" point whatever. It's pretty great. I can reach things. I accept the fact that I have to duck sometimes. The book says if you're tall, "don't think your size is all you need." I wouldn't think that, either. Maybe that page (maybe the whole book) is written for children.

I don't really know why height matters much for the average person. Obviously a basketball player would benefit with a few extra inches, but normally, I don't think it really makes much of a difference.

In relationships it does, I think. Are women shorter because the pheromones come out of the top of our heads? Or is that a load of crap? I just found a Wikipedia article called "Heightism," which says that men like shorter women, and women like taller men. Both having to do with the bearing children thing. We must repopulate the earth, as you know. Women of below average height are more likely to be married and have children than women of above average height.

Good to know, right? Because we can change our height.

Oh, wait.


I'd want my husband to be taller than me, though. Just sayin'.

But anyway. Today I had my art classes. (8am Calculus was cancelled) They were good, I suppose. This morning was nice, because it just involved chilling out. That's lovely. I've done my homework/reading for tomorrow; I even took notes! MCOM 101 is pretty interesting, judging by the first 12 pages.

As I have to wake up at 7 tomorrow, I will bid you adieu, whether you are tall or short!

;P

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Day 11 - January 11, 2010

"It's okay to cry when someone you like very much has died." - I Remember Miss Perry by Pat Brisson

OK - I still won't be a big baby and start bawling over every little thing, but neither will I dishonor my humanity by staying stubbornly cool when my feelings cry out for tears.

I have no problem crying. In fact, I do it all the time. What's strange is that I was talking to three of my friends the other night about just that, and none of them had ever seen me cry. I really do cry all the time, though. Either I'm really emotional or really sensitive. Are those two things exactly the same? I don't know. If I'm upset, anything can set me off. I cry at sad movies. I cry at sad books.

And yes, I have cried today. Not very much, but I have.

So I suppose I've fulfilled today's "I Will."

That was easy.


Today was my first day of classes.

I did not cry in any of them.

I had three: Calculus, Foundations, and Mass Media. They were fine. Just classes. At this point in the semester (day 1), I'm still thinking, oh, new books! I want to read them! I wonder how long that will last.

Then I went to lunch and to the Merc to buy my books.

THEN I had dance rehearsal, which just about killed me. It's funny how sometimes I think, yeah I can dance. Because then someone tries to teach me a dance and I can't really do it. I am not a ballerina. Not even a little bit. I've got the shoes from sophomore year when I took beginning ballet. (Actually, it was intermediate. But for 12-year-olds.) Good thing I've got the shoes, but I don't know the French! I'm going to have to practice so so so much before I perform on the 29th. Also, I'm in much pain. From either the dance or from not wearing my orthotics. (Which I am wearing right now. They hurt me a little bit, too.)

I was reading a book today, Naomi and Ely's No Kiss List. There was a part in it that I thought was really cute:

"I head back through the apartment. Naomi's waiting outside in the elevator. I have no doubt she's been holding it this whole time. It strikes me for the gazillionth time that she is completely fucking beautiful. And I love it, because my love for her has absolutely nothing to do with that. I love her because she'll hold the elevator for me even if heading downstairs without me would make more of a point. I love her because if she sees a shirt that she knows will look good with my eyes, she'll buy it for me, even if she can't afford it. I love her because when I feel like putting my head in an oven, she'll gently take it out and bake me cookies instead. I love her because she can curse like a sailer and could no doubt sail like a sailor, too, if she put her mind to it. I love her because even though she doesn't always tell the truth, she always feels like she should. I love her because I don't need to love her all the time."

Sorry, that was long. Actually, I take it back. I'm not sorry. If you're here reading, you obviously can and want to read something. I don't want to apologize when I'm not sorry. I'm not the subject of a Taylor Swift song.

But anyway, about what I quoted. I just think it's so sweet, and so cute. I guess I don't really have too much to say about it. When I read it, I sort of thought of myself. Not for everything. But I got to the part about baking cookies instead, and I thought, awwh, that's really cute. We all know how much I love to bake for everyone. Cookies, cheesecake, etc.. I just think it's a sweet way of talking about how he loves her. Not a romantic love, but a real love. It's lovely.

Since it's getting to be terribly late (7:37pm!), I think I'll head back to the dorm and go to sleep. Not crying, but not being afraid to. Until tomorrow,

;*

EDIT: Just wanted to mention, on today's page, it talks about guys not crying because they think it's uncool. So they say, "Read men do cry. And cool is only a few degrees south of cold." That's funny. Hehe.

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Day 10 - January 10, 2010

"The zoo is kid stuff," Miguel tells his sister. "I am a kid!" Juanita states. "And you're a kid, too." - How Tia Lola Came to Stay by Julia Alvarez

I'll be happy with the club I'm in today and not gripe about what I'm not yet allowed to do.

So today I'm back at school. Probably the only happyt thing about that is Jack, as I quite missed her.

By the way, I am writing this on the correct day, but as I do not have a computer, I am at the mercy of the library hours for when I type/post things.

Today's "I Will" involves sticking with the club you're in; which for me would be the Nineteen-Year-Old Club. I didn't really know how to go about doing anything with that. I may have even unintentionally gone against it. Because at church this morning, Scott and Bobby wanted me to come to Sunday school with them, though I didn't feel like I should. I thought I should stay at adult Sunday school, since I'm not technically in the youth group anymore. I'm still a kid, though! There should be a halfway house. I didn't try to go older, but younger. Which, I have a feeling that the writers of this book would be okay with.

I don't think they're saying, act your age. I think they're saying, don't try to be older than you are. Live happily at the age you are. Don't wish for 21, for example. Rock 19 while you got it. (I must say, I think I am rocking 19.)

What's crazy is that I will be 20 this year. And consequently, 21 next year. Which is doubly crazy.

I think I'll try to pack a bag for classes tomorrow (I should figure out where/what they are) and go to bed. It's only 10:30 and I'm crazy tired. Feels like it's 2am. Or something.

I'm going to bed happy that I can vote, play the lottery, and suffocate myself with tobacco; rather than going to bed wishing that I could drink. (Isn't that the next "freedom"?)

:)

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Day 9 - January 9, 2010

Dawn was sitting on her front steps. She was reading a fat book. - Pickle Puss by Patricia Reilly Giff

Is that the way I go about book-looking? The thinner the better? Avoid fat books like a gym class dodge ball? What am I afraid of - having too much fun?

First off, I'll mention that I really don't want to blog. I have no interest in writing a blog right now, because I know that it involves talking about my feelings, which I don't want to do, because I don't want to acknowledge how much they suck right now. But I'm going to do it anyway, because it's my New Year's Resolution, and I would feel terrible if I didn't do it. Even though it's early in the game.. I still want to play it all the way through.

I drove by the food pantry and my $5 was gone. I hope for the reason I want it to be.

I drove by your house, too.

Because it was the first time I drove by myself. And I thought, for the longest time, that you would be my first stop when I got my license. You weren't, obviously. Or, not obviously. My first stop was actually CVS to print pictures for my 2nd, 3rd, and 4th stops.

So, about this "Today I Will." I'm taking books back to school. None of them are "skinny," but they aren't "fat" either. I'm taking books that I like, books that will make me happy, and books that I got for Christmas. I don't judge a book by its thickness; I judge it by its cover. Size doesn't matter. And that's how I feel. I really do judge a book by its cover. So sue me.

I have so much to do and I feel so overwhelmed because I don't feel that I have any time to do it. I don't want to go back to school tomorrow; not even a little bit. It sucks and I can't do anything about it. I feel like anything at this moment could make me cry, especially talking about it.

So I'm going to try to sleep rather than cry (though I'll probably end up doing both). Pick up something to read. Don't choose it for its size. If you know where my copy of Stargirl is, hand it over. That's what I'd like to read.

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Day 8 - January 8, 2010

Hunger is a pretty terrible thing. It's like going around all day with a nail in your shoe. You try to put it out of your mind, but you never really quite forget it. - My Brother Sam Is Dead by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier

Do I have $5 to spare? Today I'll ask my parents how I can donate it to help feed a really hungry person. And - unless it's true - I'll never again say, "I'm starving!"

Today a lot of things happened!

Well. Maybe not a lot. I'm not sure. We'll see as I remember them.

I went to my dad's office during his lunch hour and we practiced parallel parking until my ears fell off. (Why my ears? I don't know. First body part I thought of.) It was not the most fun hour of my life. Then we went to the DMV and sat there for an hour. I took my driving test. I passed my driving test! So I can legally drive a car now. I'd get off the road if I were you. :)

Then we got milkshakes to celebrate, and we went to the movies. My mom, my sister, Amanda, Katherine, Josh, Jessica and I all went to see Leap Year. It was quite cute. Even had a happy ending! But there was definitely a time or two where you were thinking, OH NO, it's not going to work out!! SPOILER: It did. :)

Then the crew went to Denny's for our last night together (excuse me, the Fab Four) where I had the best bacon cheeseburger I've ever had in my entire life. Okay, maybe not my whole life. But it was pretty darn good. I felt bad for not really inviting Amanda, but I felt that it would be the last time the four of us could be all together until .. summer, basically. Except for that one day that our Spring Break overlaps Jessica's. So that's why.

We came back to my house and played the Ungame, which is a game no one ever wins. You just talk and learn things about each other. It was actually more interesting than I expected it to be. Even got heavy sometimes, though I'm sure that's because we were brave and used the serious deck. We handled it though, haha.

Oh, before we went back to my basement, I did my "Today I Will." I had a $5 bill from my change at Denny's, so we went to the CH food pantry and I bobby-pinned it to the sign on the door. I also left a note on the back of a WalMart receipt that said, "Use to feed the hungry, please / <3 a concerned citizen of the world". So I felt that I was feeding the hungry. Hopefully, anyway.

It is imperative that I go to sleep now, since I think I may actually need to wake up on time tomorrow. There is still SO much to do before I leave for another STUPID THREE MONTHS. Okay, maybe if you count, it's really only two, but.. (it seems like three, since it's January, February, March) 55 days until I'll be home again. I HATE that. I hate it a huge huge amount. It's very upsetting.

So good night, and remember to feed the hungry. Remember that your soul can be just as hungry as your body can be. It's important to feed that, too. I'm going to go to bed filling my soul with sweet dreams (falling in love, sugarplums, that sort of thing) and I'll see you tomorrow!

:)

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Day 7 - January 7, 2010

"Marty, don't you ever run away from a problem." - Shiloh by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor

Before this day is over, I'll probably face at least one problem I want to run away from. But I won't.

Now, I don't really think I had noticeable problems to run away from today. Although, there was one that I did sort of run away from. I set my alarm for 9:30 .. and hit snooze, changed the time, turned it off, etc. etc. until I finally got up at 2:00. So I suppose I slept that issue away. I did regret it later. I'm regretting it now, actually. Because I legitimately have things to do tomorrow that I need to be awake for.

Such as... parallel parking. Which is apparently happening tomorrow. I don't really want it to, but it's going to, in preparation for my driving test, which will occur sometime within the next two days.

"They let women have licenses now?!" Yeah. Go figure. Someone said that to me today, and it didn't bother me at all. It never does, and I wonder if it should. Am I supposed to be bothered by sexist jokes? They happen around me all the time, and I think they're always made by boys who are my friends. I've never considered myself a feminist or anything... I think some women would be angry with me for that. I don't completely care, though. I'll spend my life in the kitchen, if I have to. I might even prefer it. I think most people know that about me. That I would be pretty content as a housewife.

Makes me wonder why I'm at college, sometimes. I know that I haven't met anyone yet, so I will need a job until I start poppin' out chirren. But.. :P

I didn't consciously run away from any problems today. Subconsciously, perhaps. I handled things/events pretty well, I think. And I'm going to handle this next problem (me being awake) right away, by going to sleep. Night!

:)

And hey! I've done a whole week of blogging. YES.

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Day 6 - January 6, 2010

"What's up, Louie? Why so sad?" Barney asked. "The kids are laughin' at me." - Regards to the Man in the Moon by Ezra Jack Keats

Sometimes I pretend that I don't sense the feelings of others - but really, I do. I understand that ridicule hurts feelings. I understand that I should treat others as I want to be treated. Bottom line: From this day forward, I am a Mock-Not Zone.

I can't really make that promise. I will probably still make fun of people, whether it is joking with my friends or talking about people I don't know. I can try not to do it as much, or make sure my friends know I'm kidding, but I feel like I'm not nice enough to be a "Mock-Not Zone." I realize that that probably means I suck, but it's just who I am right now.

Today, though, I made it a point not to ridicule. Although, I don't know how much opportunity I had to ridicule. I guess everything could be an opportunity. I do think people noticed, though. I was texting a friend who was somewhat upset, and he said, "your [sic] being nice to me." I guess I'm not usually as nice as I was being? ... I don't know.

Later I IMed a girl who I hadn't talked to in a very long time. We had a falling out, sort of.. I think we were both immature about the whole thing. But I was nice, and even though last year I would never have talked to her about what we talked about, this year, it wasn't even a problem. I feel like in 6 days, I've grown up. I don't even know how.

We were watching Glee tonight, and it was the episode where someone calls the gay boy's father to tell him that his son is a "f****t." Which I won't even type, because I hate that word. My mom was like, "And that's a bad thing?" She meant that it wasn't bad that he was gay, I'm assuming. But it made me angry either way. Because nobody should call anyone that. It's rude and disgusting and makes you sound ignorant and a .. meanie. I wonder how that caller would feel being mocked/ridiculed like that. It made me think of today's task. The whole show did, really. Kids are so mean in that show. I hope that's not really realistic. I know high school wasn't like that for me, where the kids in Glee Club are tortured by the football team and cheerleaders. Maybe it's like that in some places.

Well, since I wasn't awake for much of today, this blog will end here. Have a good night, and be nice!

:)

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Day 5 - January 5, 2010

Auntie lived down the road a piece. - Epossumondas Saves the Day by Coleen Salley

I have a couple of favorite relatives, but because they're so far away, I tend to ignore them - even though they have mailboxes, e-mail addresses, and telephone numbers. Today I'll get back in touch.

I can already tell that this will be a short blog, because Josh, Jessica, and Katherine are here and we're all talking as I write this. Plus it's past 2 in the morning.. So my focus is elsewhere for many reasons.

But I did complete this "Today I Will." I wrote my fabulous cousin Lauren a letter today, and I plan to mail it tomorrow! I love her lots and I love snail mail lots, so I figure when you put both together, you'll get win.

Perhaps tomorrow I will edit this post and add things. But for now.. Good night, I'll keep in touch!

:)

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Day 4 - January 4, 2010

Small steps, 'Cause I don't know where I'm goin'. - Small Steps by Louis Sachar

I know I'm on my way, but darned if I know where. That's why I'm going to take it small step by small step. Doing so will allow me to avoid pitfalls and change direction, helping ensure that I wind up exactly where I want to be.

First of all.. I don't know exactly where I want to be. So small steps would definitely be good for me. I think it would be extra important to take small steps if you don't know where you're going. For example, walking in the dark? Small steps would definitely be beneficial. That can be taken literally just as easily as it can be taken figuratively.

This "Today I Will" does not really seem to even be a "Today I Will." But it does make me think of that Jordin Sparks song, "One Step At A Time." According to Ms. Sparks, both learning to fly and falling in love are things you should take one step at a time.

The book does say that if you don't know where you're going, "it's important to admit it to yourself and act accordingly." Well. I've admitted it, clearly. As seen above. To act accordingly? It could be to figure out where I'm going. But I don't think I'm ready for that. So my acting accordingly will not include figuring everything out. I don't feel that I have to right now.

I'm going to take a minute to say that I did complete the task for yesterday. Not in the exact way I had planned to, but I did do it. And it wasn't terrible. The world didn't come crashing down around me, my eyes didn't fall out, I didn't cry, etc. etc.. And today I ran into the person I talked to, and it was completely unawkward. Which made me feel like a grown-up. And sorta like he's one too. Even though he's totally not.

I guess since I didn't have much to say about the book tonight, I will mention what I did instead of focusing on the task that wasn't a task. I slept in late, helped a lady look for her lost kitty, went to Kanpai with my bestie Amanda and talked about the Japanese boys sitting across from us, went to Priscilla's and Did You Hear About The Morgans? with Josh, drove around with Josh, went to hotels with Josh to look at license plates (YAY Ontario!), tapped on boys' windows, actually went inside to be with the boys, chilled for much too long, and finally got home.

I feel like that list is specific without actually saying anything.. Which doesn't thrill me. But I've just been unthrilled in another way, so I'm slightly upset. (Words with "un" at the beginning that don't actually exist.. do now.) Because I really hate to be called racist. First of all, I'm not. Second of all, people are racist to/at me much more than I would EVER be. But why would anyone assume that I would ever be prejudiced against? Because I'm white. Well! Here is a news flash: It happens. It makes me upset enough to cry when I talk about what happened to me, so I really don't appreciate it when people think they can just call me racist and get away with it. I say that like I have a rebuttal, or a counter-attack. When we all know I won't do anything. I'm too nice, for one thing. For another, it would be way counter-productive. In so many ways.

I don't even want to mention that. But it just happened so I'm kind of upset about it. I feel like they were serious, too. Which really upsets me. I would think someone who was a friend would know that about me. Maybe I overestimated our relationship. I guess I shouldn't dwell on it either way. I may not know where I'm going, but I know who I am, what I am and what I'm not.

I'm now going to take small steps to bed. Good night.

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Day 3 - January 3, 2010

There's something about a blank page that makes me tingle. - Jazmin's Notebook by Nikki Grimes

There's a stack of blank pages in my life. Some of them, frankly, don't exactly excite me. But others do. Today I'll pick one out and fill it in.

Today I failed. Okay, that's slightly exaggerating. Excuse me while I go get a piece of cheesecake and some juice.

Okay. I didn't really fail. But I didn't do what I wanted to do. Not for lack of trying, either. First I'll talk more about today's "I Will."

A blank page can obviously be either literal or figurative. If I were an author, I suppose filling the blank page could be starting my novel. It can be me writing this right now. Just because it's not a physical page doesn't mean I'm not filling it with words like those on literal pages. A blank page could be any part of your life that is empty. The book says, "We all have blank pages in our lives: a thank-you or an apology not yet expressed, a forgiveness not yet offered, a challenge not yet attempted, a vegetable not yet tasted."

So I thought about ways to accomplish this. I thought about the blank pages in my life. And I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I wanted to attempt a challenge that I hadn't yet. It scared me. I feel asleep last night thinking of exactly what I would say to the person I wanted to say it to. I told a few friends about what I was going to do so that they could make sure I didn't chicken out. Then today... I tried. I dialed the phone, and everything started racing. I was scared; I didn't want anyone to answer. And no one did. I told my friend Katherine, said maybe it was a sign. She said, no Katie. You still have to do it.

(By the way, sorry about being vague about the task. I'm just not sure who all reads this yet, so I'm not sure how much I want to share.)

Since Katherine was so adamant about me still doing this, I took a nap and called back later. I got an answer, but couldn't say what I wanted to because I couldn't even be heard. I figured that it wasn't going to happen. Maybe someday I will attempt the challenge again. I feel like I could definitely do it. It was just hard today.

Another blank page that I have been wanting to mention is a literal one. On New Year's Eve, I was thinking about how this year, 2010, I will turn 20 years old. So I decided to make a list. I got a pen and a notebook and started a list of things I want to do before I turn 21. I won't list everything that's on it, but I'll mention a few. Some of the things I may have done, such as: read a classic, buy a lottery ticket, go to a drive-in movie. But I want to do them for remembering them. I want to read a classic that isn't assigned and enjoy it. I want to buy a lottery ticket and actually cash it in. (I won $2 once and the ticket is still sitting in my room. I am not $2 richer.) I want to go to a drive-in and actually stay awake for the second movie.

Things To Do Before Turning 21

• Sleep under the stars
• Take a trip by myself
• Dance in the rain in my best dress, fearless (Taylor Swift style :))
• Get my driver's license
• Watch a sunrise
• Sing karaoke
• Skydive
  
• Wear red lipstick
• Be in two places at one time (Mandy Moore style in A Walk To Remember)
  
• See something that is "The World's Largest"
  
• Have my fortune told
• Keep a resolution (hopefully this one will be achieved with this blog)
• Learn a song on any instrument (I just printed out sheet music to Aerosmith's I Don't Want to Miss A Thing)
• Say "I love you"

Some of them are stupid and some of them might not happen. Some of them will be easy to do, while others will be more difficult. I also didn't list everything I have written down. I hope my friends will help me accomplish some of these things, and maybe even do them with me. Maybe some of you will make your own list, and I can help with yours.

Today I didn't fill the page that I wanted to, but I think I filled others. And maybe I didn't fill that one because I wasn't supposed to today. Maybe there's a reason it didn't work out. So now I'll close the book for tonight, making sure to leave a bookmark in.

:)

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Day 2 - January 2, 2010

You never know when something begins where it's going to take you. - A Gathering of Days: A New England Girl's Journal, 1830-32 by Joan W. Blos

Today I will welcome surprises.

Not knowing what will happen, based on an event or just in general, is one of the magical things about life. If we started knowing where we would end up, the adventure and fun of life would be absent. If I started this year knowing where I would be on December 31st, 2010, where would the surprises be? I would know everything that was going to happen, and nothing would excite me. Not knowing is not such a bad thing. The book says, if you did know, "It would be like the most boring story you ever read."

I don't know how well I welcomed surprises today. I feel like there weren't any. Although, part of not knowing could include not knowing that something is a surprise.

Just now, while taking a break from typing to talk to a friend, I got a surprise that I welcomed! My friend Rebecca is getting married, and I am her maid of honor. She asked if I had gotten her email, so I checked. There was an email from WeddingChannel.com with the subject "dress." Ready to welcome the surprise, I opened it, and it had the picture of my dress! What a lovely surprise, especially since I love it! When you watch movies about bridesmaids, etc., such as 27 Dresses, it makes it seems like bridesmaid/maid of honor dresses suck. I've only worn one, and this will be my second, but I've loved them both. Maybe I'm lucky. Or maybe I welcome surprise! :)

I was watching Ugly Betty with my mom and sister today. In one episode, Hilda's family invited this guy over without her knowing, so that they could be set up together. She said, "I hate surprises!" But I guess you shouldn't hate surprises. There are surprises that you might not immediately welcome, but maybe it's good to have surprises. I think surprises can be great. I don't know if I'd welcome a surprise like, hey Katie, you're pregnant. But I'd guess that there would be some reason or some life lesson with that surprise. I just wouldn't know it at the time.

Today's "I Will" is probably about being optimistic about ALL surprises, whether they seem good or bad at the start. So I'll try to be optimistic about them. I may not always even know when they're happening, but I will try.

Today at Walmart, there was a girl about 16 or 17 years old with her mom and little brother. She was texting and looking bored, as teenagers in Walmart are wont to do, and her little brother (who was probably about 8) was trying to play with her. She yelled at him to "Stop touching me!" and walked around the cart so that it separated them. He didn't seem to mind, and began to sing, "Stop touching me, stop touching me" while dancing. It was really cute! I was thinking about surprises at the time, and I wonder if he was a surprise that she welcomed. I hope they will become better friends than they seemed at Walmart. I think he seemed like a little boy who would welcome surprise.

Day 2 is coming to a close, so I'll say goodnight. Unless there are any surprises coming my way!

;)

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Day 1 - January 1, 2010

"A happy New Year to all the world!" - A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens

Today I will play no favorites. I will wish the whole world a "Happy New Year!"

January 1st has the great potential to be a fresh start for all of us. A whole year is in front of us now, and we can choose to do whatever we want with that year. As the book says, though, much will be out of our control. On this day of new beginnings, we should just forget about distinctions and treat everyone as the same. Wish the whole world Happy New Year.

At Christmas, I sent out a mass text, as many others I know did, saying Merry Christmas, with a smiley face to go with it. But when I was sending it, I had to choose exactly who to send it to. Some people I didn't send it to but wanted to, like people that don't text. Some I sent it to because I felt that I should, but didn't really care if I did. Some I wanted to send it to and did. And others I just couldn't decide, so I left it alone. For a few, I didn't know if they celebrated Christmas, so I didn't send it to them, and for one, I didn't want to wish her a happy anything, but I did, because I felt like that would be Christmas spirit at work.

So on New Year's Eve, as I was with friends who I love and care about, the ball dropped and we hugged and kissed and made merry, people started receiving that mass "Happy New Year!" text. I had read the January 1st entry earlier on December 31st, because I figured I would be awake for the beginning of it, and wanted to begin right away. So I decided against the mass text, because I wouldn't have to decide who was special enough to get it, and I wouldn't feel bad that anyone was left out.

I decided to wish EVERYONE a Happy New Year, just by living it. I made no judgments about certain people that I normally would, and I think I started out 2o10 with love for everyone.

The new year marks a new beginning, IF you make it that way. I'm making it that way for me. I started my fresh start by chopping off all of my hair on New Year's Eve. I wanted to start the year new. I knew I wanted a hair cut, but I didn't really want much of a change. Then things happened in my personal life that made me REALLY want a change, so about an hour before I went to get it done, I just decided that I would get rid of it all.

I think, as cliche as it seems, everything bad about 2009 was cut off, and is now in a trash can somewhere. I feel literally AND mentally lighter, like everything sad and troubling, all the bad vibes of the past month and the past year... all of that is gone. I am a new person inside and out.

This project is going to help make sure I grow as a person this year, in the same way my hair will grow back.

Today I played no favorites. I made no enemies. I wished everyone a Happy New Year, even (or maybe especially) people I normally wouldn't have wanted to be so kind to.

Today was the best New Year's Eve I've had in a while. I had fun and I spent it with people I love. The ball dropping usually doesn't feel like much of a change, but this year, I could tell that it was. I can tell that 2010 is the fresh start I've been needing, and I look forward to recording this year of my life with Today I Will.

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2010 Resolution

Hi everyone!

For my first post, I will give a bit of background information as to what this blog will be about.

For Christmas, my grandparents send a check, and expect me to buy something for myself with it, and later thank them for what they gave me. This year I will be thanking them for a book called, Today I Will: A Year of Quotes, Notes, and Promises to Myself.

In this book, every day of the year has its own page. It begins with a quote. It then has a short paragraph that gives advice or insight related to the quote, and at the bottom it has a sentence that always begins with "Today I will..."

This brought me to my only New Year's Resolution. I will read a page of this book every day for this entire year. I will then write a blog about every day and how I completed the "Today I will..." At the end of the year, I should have 265 blogs, not including this introduction.

Wish me luck!

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