Day 25 - January 25, 2010

"I thought I was invisible before you." - The Opposite of Invisible by Liz Gallagher

Am I visible to others? More important, am I visible to myself? Do I get down on myself? Do I think I'm worthless? Do I think if I disappeared tomorrow, the world wouldn't even notice? Here's the thing: If I'm visible to myself - if I am worthy in my own eyes - then I will surely be visible to others.

If I had written this blog earlier, it would have been really optimistic and great and such. Because earlier, that's how I felt. I was jammin', walking down the walkways, feeling super confident and like everyone suddenly loved me and I could do anything.

Actually, a great song to feel like you can do anything to is Up Up and Away by Kid Cudi. I was listening to it and totally rocking out. Mentally, not physically. People might have found that strange.

So I thought I was doing a good job of being visible to myself, which in turn, made me visible to others. On days I feel more confident, I notice that more people talk to me. Which is pretty awesome.

So I was feeling great, completing the task, etc. And then Jack came back to the room. I hadn't seen her in a while, if you recall from the last blog, where I mentioned it. She came over to my desk looking like she was upset, and needed to tell me something. She did that shifty eye thing that you do when you have to say something but you don't want to. "Have you heard?"

She looked really upset so I immediately thought, oh no, she and David broke up. I turned off my music and was like, "Heard what?"

What I hadn't heard (I don't know who I possibly could have heard it from) was that she was moving out. So I no longer have a roommate.

I left then, and tried to find Annie. I couldn't find anyone so I went and got my coat from my room where she, her boyfriend, and her new roommate were there packing up her stuff.

I just left the dorm with nowhere to go, and I called Katherine because I couldn't find anyone else. I walked around campus for a while until Annie found me and took me back to MaWa. She and Annie talked to me and made me feel slightly better.

Of course, then I came back to the room and texted my mom to tell her, so she and my dad both called me. When I clearly didn't want to talk. So I yelled at my mother.

And now I'll go to sleep in my own room, because I should probably wake up for my 8am Calculus tomorrow. Even though I didn't say much about it, seriously be visible to yourself. Because when I was today, it was really really great.