Day 11 - January 11, 2010

"It's okay to cry when someone you like very much has died." - I Remember Miss Perry by Pat Brisson

OK - I still won't be a big baby and start bawling over every little thing, but neither will I dishonor my humanity by staying stubbornly cool when my feelings cry out for tears.

I have no problem crying. In fact, I do it all the time. What's strange is that I was talking to three of my friends the other night about just that, and none of them had ever seen me cry. I really do cry all the time, though. Either I'm really emotional or really sensitive. Are those two things exactly the same? I don't know. If I'm upset, anything can set me off. I cry at sad movies. I cry at sad books.

And yes, I have cried today. Not very much, but I have.

So I suppose I've fulfilled today's "I Will."

That was easy.


Today was my first day of classes.

I did not cry in any of them.

I had three: Calculus, Foundations, and Mass Media. They were fine. Just classes. At this point in the semester (day 1), I'm still thinking, oh, new books! I want to read them! I wonder how long that will last.

Then I went to lunch and to the Merc to buy my books.

THEN I had dance rehearsal, which just about killed me. It's funny how sometimes I think, yeah I can dance. Because then someone tries to teach me a dance and I can't really do it. I am not a ballerina. Not even a little bit. I've got the shoes from sophomore year when I took beginning ballet. (Actually, it was intermediate. But for 12-year-olds.) Good thing I've got the shoes, but I don't know the French! I'm going to have to practice so so so much before I perform on the 29th. Also, I'm in much pain. From either the dance or from not wearing my orthotics. (Which I am wearing right now. They hurt me a little bit, too.)

I was reading a book today, Naomi and Ely's No Kiss List. There was a part in it that I thought was really cute:

"I head back through the apartment. Naomi's waiting outside in the elevator. I have no doubt she's been holding it this whole time. It strikes me for the gazillionth time that she is completely fucking beautiful. And I love it, because my love for her has absolutely nothing to do with that. I love her because she'll hold the elevator for me even if heading downstairs without me would make more of a point. I love her because if she sees a shirt that she knows will look good with my eyes, she'll buy it for me, even if she can't afford it. I love her because when I feel like putting my head in an oven, she'll gently take it out and bake me cookies instead. I love her because she can curse like a sailer and could no doubt sail like a sailor, too, if she put her mind to it. I love her because even though she doesn't always tell the truth, she always feels like she should. I love her because I don't need to love her all the time."

Sorry, that was long. Actually, I take it back. I'm not sorry. If you're here reading, you obviously can and want to read something. I don't want to apologize when I'm not sorry. I'm not the subject of a Taylor Swift song.

But anyway, about what I quoted. I just think it's so sweet, and so cute. I guess I don't really have too much to say about it. When I read it, I sort of thought of myself. Not for everything. But I got to the part about baking cookies instead, and I thought, awwh, that's really cute. We all know how much I love to bake for everyone. Cookies, cheesecake, etc.. I just think it's a sweet way of talking about how he loves her. Not a romantic love, but a real love. It's lovely.

Since it's getting to be terribly late (7:37pm!), I think I'll head back to the dorm and go to sleep. Not crying, but not being afraid to. Until tomorrow,

;*

EDIT: Just wanted to mention, on today's page, it talks about guys not crying because they think it's uncool. So they say, "Read men do cry. And cool is only a few degrees south of cold." That's funny. Hehe.