Day 160 - June 9, 2010

"Mom and Dad and the Pinks have been lost at sea," she cried out. - "Love" Jack's New Power: Stories from a Caribbean Year by Jack Gantos

I hope I never hear words like those above. But I know it's possible, and because of that I'm going to give each member of my family a hug today.

So technically.. I didn't do this. However. I have alternatives.

Lilo, of course, I hugged. I hug her all the time. She probably hates it. But she can't do anything about it, because she's a dog.

My mommy, I hugged, I'm sure. Because she hugs me all the time.

Hannah I didn't hug, but I picked her up after school and we drove around in search of the boy she liked. She told me I was being a creeper, but I think she secretly liked it.

And Daddy I didn't hug, but I did go with him to help with his roadkill pictures.. Which means, he finds roadkill and picks it up, and I take his picture with whatever dead animal it is. Today it was a squirrel. We watched Mamma Mia! together, too.

So in some way, I showed them all some love.

There was a guy at the mall the other day with a shirt that said FREE HUGS, and I thought we should test that, so I told my mom to go hug him. But then he turned around and the back of it said something about him being a champion slut hugger, so she decided not to.

Remember that Dave Matthews video with the guy who went around hugging everyone? Can we do that?

This has gotten more random than I'd originally planned for..

Also, on a personal note, I'm blonde again. :)

I will go to bed shortly, and hug Stitch until I fall asleep.

http://www.freehugsguide.org/

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Day 159 - June 8, 2010

"He's been through a lot, and he deserves some consideration." - Belle Prater's Boy by Ruth White

Sure, I'm aware of how I feel. Every minute of every day. But am I aware of how others feel? What are they going through? Are they having a good or bad day? Am I sensitive enough to sympathize or celebrate with them? Am I separating myself from eels and beetles?

Eels and beetles not having "interpersonal sensitivity," that is. I don't really know what to say about this.

I think most of the time I am aware of how others feel. I actually think that's something I'm good at. Whether or not I adjust my actions to reflect that might be a different story. I'm not really sure.

Summer makes me antisocial. I sleep most of the day and stay up late at night. I'm attempting to go to bed earlier tonight. It's 1am now, which shouldn't be early, but it kind of is.

Tomorrow is take 2 for Operation: Blondes Have More Fun. Wish me luck on that.

I'm going to go read before bed. How do you feel about that?

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Day 158 - June 7, 2010

Advice from friends is like the weather. Some of it is good; some of it is bad. - "The Baboon's Umbrella" Fables by Arnold Lobel

Today I'll be careful not to believe everything I hear.

I don't think I heard much today, believing it or not.

Although the Bachelorette shouldn't believe everything she hears from those guys.

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Day 157 - June 6, 2010

When you're feeling sorry for yourself, everything looks beige and gray. - Throwing Shadows by E. L. Konigsburg

If I feel like feeling sorry for myself today, I won't.

I could have felt sorry for myself about my disaster of a hair dyeing attempt.. But I didn't. It will work out.

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Day 156 - June 5, 2010

"You're not the boss of me," said Skippyjon Jones. "In your dreams..." said Mama. - Skippyjon Jones in the Dog-House by Judy Schachner

The only way I'm ever going to be Total Absolute #1 Boss of Myself is if I live alone. And let's face it - even though I sometimes act as if I want to live alone, I really don't.

It's funny because today I was pretty much alone the whole day. And I have lived alone for most of this year.

Sometimes I loved it, but sometimes I wished I had someone to talk to, or help me with something, or just.. to be there. Being by myself is nice, but I'm glad I have a roommate again next year. :)

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Day 155 - June 4, 2010

When I had some trouble I wrote to my grandma about it. - My Grandma, My Pen Pal by Jan Dale Koutsky

Today I'll give Grandma or Grandpa a call.

I will write her tomorrow. Really.

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Day 154 - June 3, 2010

"I know I don't need a dog. But this dog needs me." - Because of Winn-Dixie by Kate DiCamillo

I've spent enough of my life telling the world what I want, what I need. As of now, I'm shifting the focus to what others need. In fact, today I'll make it a point to identify at least one fellow creature (human or otherwise) with a need that I can answer.

There's a doggy on this page. I do things for my doggy. She needs people to do stuff for her because she doesn't have thumbs or a voice that speaks English.

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Day 153 - June 2, 2010

Tom had hoped today would be as ordinary as possible. - The Boy Who Saved Baseball by John H. Ritter

Today may be ordinary, but that doesn't mean it has to be boring, not if I find the extraordinary within it. And, anyway, who am I to blame the day? Is it the day that's boring - or me?

Today was ordinary, but not boring. There was a pot luck at church, which was good. It was Emil's birthday so we all went to eat and had cake and such. I baked cookies for him, the most productive thing I've done lately. Then I just chilled with some of my favorite boys.

All ordinary occurrences, but definitely ones that make me happy.

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Day 152 - June 1, 2010

[Chester Cricket] began to chirp to ease his feelings. He found that it helped somehow if you sang your sadness. - The Cricket in Times Square by George Selden

Will sadness visit me today? How will I respond? Maybe I'll try something I've never done before. Maybe I'll find myself a solitary place and quietly hum my sadness. Or - what the heck - maybe just belt it out. If it helps, I won't ask why. If it works, it works. Hey, if it's good enough for Chester Cricket ...

Yes, I was sad today.

I almost feel like that was the objective of the person who made me upset, because he did it so well. I don't really think it was, but..

I talked to someone today who made me mad and sad. Anger took over during some parts of the conversation, so I may have used that as a way to not be sad, which was probably not a good thing.

But I can't take it back and I wouldn't, because I meant what I said.

Another way to cope with sadness is to sleep, so I'm going to try to do that.

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Day 151 - May 31, 2010

Finally, the end of the month arrived. "It's time to unlock your banks," Mrs. O'Malley announced. - Willie Wins by Almira Astudillo Gilles

Is there someone in my house to help me manage my money? If so, I'll appoint him or her my Mrs. O'Malley. If not, I'll appoint myself.

What money?

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Day 150 - May 30, 2010

Her smile was like a big, warm hug. - The Day Eddie Met the Author by Louise Borden

Today I will give someone my best smile. I'll aim it at a person who probably doesn't expect it from me. As for the particular effect my smile may produce, I'll leave that up to the target.

It's very hard to smile when I am in this much pain. I am not comfortable. :(

But I will try to be :)

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Day 149 - May 29, 2010

And you greet the village chief respectfully. "Jambo, Mzee!" Hello, Respected One! - For You Are a Kenyan Child by Kelly Cunnane

My elders have already been down the road of years that I have yet to travel. Just for that, they deserve my respect.

I didn't disrespect any elders today.

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Day 148 - May 28, 2010

Grandpa says, "It's all right, Jessica. All artists make mistakes. And sometimes you can turn a mistake into something good." - Lunchtime for a Purple Snake by Harriet Zeifert

I get the point. If I make a mistake today, I won't get down on myself or treat it like the end of the world. I'll use it as a midcourse correction and continue toward my goal.

I think fourteen million hours of swimsuit shopping was a mistake. Although I did have fun with my mommy.

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Day 147 - May 27, 2010

Rachel was mindful of her mother's sacrifices and grateful for her support. - Up Close: Rachel Carson by Ellen Levine

Do I take my mother for granted? Do I appreciate her sacrifice and support? Or do I figure "Hey, what's the big deal? She's only doing her job." Or don't I even notice? Starting today, I'm going to notice. Starting today, I'll take a dusty old word off the shelf and put it to use. The word is gratitude. Tomorrow: Dad's turn.

Yes I <3 my mommy.

Maybe I will go see her now (at 2am) and we can be The Cuddlers again, because it is quite a loud crazy storm.

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Day 146 - May 26, 2010

When something frightening happens, the best thing to do, I think, is to stay calm, figure out what to do, and then (even if you're afraid) make yourself do it, no matter what. - Blow Out The Moon by Libby Koponen

If I get scared today, I won't panic. I'll use my head. It's good to know I have help ready and waiting between my ears.

Today was a good day. I was not scared.

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Day 145 - May 25, 2010

"I'm sure you're much nicer than you look!" - Pollyanna by Eleanor H. Porter

I will try to live this whole day without judging people by their covers. I will not assume that a grumpy face equals a grumpy person.

In Wal*Mart today.. There was this lady who, judging by her cover, was a perfectly nice lady. BUT SHE SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED IN WAL*MART. I think common courtesy is just something you should have while you shop in a place where tons of other people are shopping. She would take forever (always right in front of where my mom wanted to be looking) and just leave her cart a few feet away so that both her cart and her self were in our way. AND WE KEPT SEEING HER! It was ridiculous.

We also watched an interview with Jesse James, who cheated on Sandra Bullock. And after watching that, we thought he was a pretty nice (slightly troubled, though) guy. So if we had judged him by his cover (which was actually mentioned in the interview), we may not have felt the same. We kept an open mind. He seems pretty nice.

I do judge books by their cover, though. You can't blame me, though; I'd like to design book jackets for a living. So I kinda have to. I think I might do some reading before bed; a book I checked out almost solely based on its cover (it's hot pink!). Goodnight!

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Day 144 - May 24, 2010

When Flying Jack was four years old, people would ask, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" "A pilot!" he would say. - Flying Jack by Kathye Fetsko Petrie

I will be a responsible dreamer. I will feel free to have my dreams and to work toward them, but I will keep them in perspective. I will not allow them to run my whole life. I will not forfeit my self for my dreams.

I don't even know what my dreams are. So they obviously aren't running my life..

"Someone may have stolen your dream when it was young and fresh and you were innocent. Anger is natural. Grief is appropriate. Healing is mandatory. Restoration is possible." - Jane Rubietta

It's quite late and my laptop is going to die. So that's my cue to go to sleep and try to have some dreams. Good ones, please!

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Day 143 - May 23, 2010

"Forever and always," I said, "no matter what happens, we'll be best friends." - Stepping on the Cracks by Mary Downing Hahn

I wonder if I'll use the word forever today. If I feel it coming on, I won't stop it; I'll let it out. I understand that many Forevers in fact don't last forever. Big deal. I'll express how I feel now and let Forever take care of itself.

'Til the clocks run out of time

'Til the stars refuse to shine

I will hear you when you call

And I'll catch you when you fall

'Til the rivers all run dry

And the sun falls from the sky

This much I know is true

My love is forever, for always, for you..

So. I don't think I used the word forever today. Unless I said something like, Hannah, this will take forever!! Which, whatever it was, it obviously didn't, since we're not still doing it now. I think, generally, if I say forever, I'm exaggerating about a length of time. I don't really think that's what they're saying today.

I think they mean (even though it's still technically a length of time) .. like, relationships with people. And how you think they're gonna last forever. The book says that they probably aren't, but that it's okay to say they will.

It's like I waited my whole life

For this one night

It's gon' be me, you, and the dance floor

'Cause we only got one night

Double your pleasure, double your fun

And dance forever-ever-ever

Forever-ever-ever

Forever-ever-ever

Forever

Chris Brown is not really going to dance forever. He would spontaneously combust. And nobody wants that!

Best friends forever, our love will last forever, etc.. Sometimes those things are true. I think Amanda and I will be best friends forever. It's already been practically forever for us. With infantile amnesia (the only thing I remember from psychology?), we probably don't even remember a time when we weren't in each others' lives. Well, Amanda might. Since she's slightly older.

It may not mean nothin' to y'all

But understand, nothin' was done for me

So I don't plan on stoppin' at all

I want this s**t forever mine, ever mine, ever mine

I've obviously never had a love last forever. Which, right now, I'm pretty thrilled about, because I'm only 19, and forever is a freakin' long time.

And you flash back to when we said forever and always

And it rains in your bedroom

Everything is wrong

It rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone

'Cause I was there when you said forever and always

You didn't mean it, baby.. 

You said forever and always

Now, I think I will go to bed. Forever!! Just kidding. I might read forever until I fall asleep. Maybe forever is relative, haha.  

Some are like water, some are like the heat

Some are a melody, some are the beat

Sooner or later, they'll all be gone

Why don't they stay young?

...

Youth is like diamonds in the sun

And diamonds are forever

So many adventures couldn't happen today

So many songs we forgot to play

So many dreams are swinging out of the blue

We let them come true

Forever young

I want to be forever young

Do you really want to live forever?

Forever, forever..

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Day 142 - May 22, 2010

"Hi, sleepyhead," she said. "You've been missing a lot of pretty countryside.... It's been like something out of a picture book." "Has it?" Kit said with disinterest. - Down A Dark Hall by Lois Duncan

Do my parents try to maintain contact with me in simple ways I couldn't care less about? Does it ever occur to me that when they make dumb remarks, they really don't care what I say in reply? They just want to hear my voice. If such a remark comes my way today, I'll respond with some warmth and actual words. I'll give grunts and short, flat answers the day off.

I talked to my parents today. I even helped my Daddy with one of his many ridiculous projects.

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Day 141 - May 21, 2010

"Gecko," said Elephant. "This world is all connected. Some things you just have to put up with." - Go to Sleep, Gecko! A Balinese Folktale retold by Margaret Read MacDonald

If I were going to go corny on this subject, I might stop at the next worm I see and say "Greetings, brother!" Or, more seriously, I might take five minutes out of this day and look around myself and try, just try, to grasp the idea that I am connected to everything and everything is connected to me.

I'm sure it's true.. That we're all connected. We don't always know how, though. Sometimes not until much later.

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Day 140 - May 20, 2010

I'm tired out from telling people what not to do. - No Laughing, No Smiling, No Giggling by James Stevenson

Today I'll concentrate on DO, not DON'T.

What did I DO today? I really don't know. Nobody told me DO NOT.

I don't really think this makes a whole lot of sense, anyway.

But I DO think it's time for bed.

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Day 139 - May 19, 2010

I forgot to tell you in the last letter three important things that I'm too shy to say to your face. - The Gardener by Sarah Stewart

Regret is a hard thing to live with. Especially hard is the regret of words unsaid. Regretful and unnecessary - for there are ways to work around shyness.

Is there something I've been wanting to say to someone but I'm too shy to say it in person? If so, I'll write it out today. And tomorrow, if my words still feel right, I'll deliver them.

I really don't know what to do for this. Especially since I try not to have regrets. So I don't regret not saying something to someone, because I don't regret. If I want to say something to someone, I'll do it. Even if I'm shy, with enough support/encouragement, I can usually summon the courage to say it.

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Day 138 - May 18, 2010

Mend-It McGregor, everyone called him, because he could mend most anything that needed mending.... - Inventor McGregor by Kathleen T. Pelley

Have I thrown out anything lately that could have been fixed? From now on, I'll take a second look at stuff before I toss it.

I don't throw things out that can be fixed. I fix them.

Actually, I don't know if that's true. I throw things away a lot, but only because the people around me don't throw things away, and I have to be the purger.

I don't know, though.. I don't really agree with keeping things that are broken. I think it's a waste of time and space, especially since most of the time, you won't get around to fixing things you say you will, anyway.

I need to go to bed so I can wake up early and fix the state of my room. It's not suitable for sleepovers! Which are happening tomorrow. So, off to dreamland, and then fixing my room/house/life.

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Day 137 - May 17, 2010

For my mother's sake I would keep an eye on my sister. - Shark Bite by Todd Strasser

This happens a lot: There's something I know ought to be done, but I'm not doing it because no one has told me to. If it happens today, I'll ask myself "Will Mom be happy if I do it?" And follow the answer.

Well, tomorrow I'm going to clean. Which needs to be done.

I'm also going to post all these blogs that I've written but haven't typed.

[Just to let everyone know, I have been writing them on the correct day. I just haven't gotten them online yet.]

I also need to write my grandma tomorrow.

So those things need to be done. And I will do them.

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Day 136 - May 16, 2010

[Big Anthony] was so busy listening to compliments from everyone that he didn't notice the pasta pot was still bubbling and boiling.... - Strega Nona by Tomie de Paola

Every day I work at stuff. Sometimes I try really hard. Today I'll ask myself this question: Exactly why am I trying hard? Is it because I want to do a good job? Or because I'm fishing for compliments?

I don't think I aim for compliments. They are nice, though.

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Day 135 - May 15, 2010

The only thing that keeps my spirits buoyed is this letter I received from Daniel. - A Light in the Storm: The Civil War Diary of Amelia Martin, Fenwick Island, Delaware, 1861 by Karen Hesse

Is there someone in my life whose spirit needs picking up? As I consider how to respond, I'll think small, not big; real, not expensive.

I think I could pick someone's spirits up. I know I want to, I just have to think of how to do it.

Maybe I'll just call and say hello.

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Day 134 - May 14, 2010

"She started it," Jack said. - The Rudest Alien On Earth by Jane Leslie Conly

No more passing the buck. If someone tries to goad me into bad behavior, I'll either be mature enough not to get sucked in or, if I do participate, mature enough to take the heat myself.

I am always good.

And if not.. Amanda did it. ;)

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Day 133 - May 13, 2010

...I'll bring your gifts - ribbons for your branches, buckets of water, and a wheelbarrow of mulch. - "Celebration" Old Elm Speaks: Tree Poems by Kristine O'Connell George

From day's dawning to spectacular sunset, I am daily the receiver of nature's gifts. Today I'll be the giver. I'll tie a ribbon to my favorite tree or plant.

I couldn't actually tie any ribbons today, but I took care of two flowers that mean a lot to me.

I got home today (finally!) and my mom and I made sure that my flowers were okay (from the 5-hour drive they made without me).

The first flower is the one I got on BTI day, a white rose (obviously) that I just really wanted to keep intact. It's dried by now so I didn't know if it would survive the travels, but it did.

The one I was really worried about, though, is one I got at pass downs. I've only had it for a while but it means so much to me. It's a glass flower, with a green stem and turquoise petals, and I was told that it represents ΘΧΕ and ΔΟΠ together.
I've also been told that the relationship isn't what it used to be and isn't what it should be. I'm terrified that the glass will break, and if I need to move it, I carry it as carefully as if the relationship is actually based on this flower.

It's a beautiful flower, and I treat it the way I think we should be treating our brothers and sisters: caring for it, protecting it, and loving it.

I want every Delta Pi to love every Theta Chi as much as I already do, and I want every Theta Chi to feel the same about every Delta Pi.

We can work together as well as green and turquoise go together (which is pretty darn well - best two colors ever), and I hope that we always do.

Right now, the glass flower is safe with me. Love you brothers and sisters <3

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Day 132 - May 12, 2010

But then I looked and soon I saw, That scarecrow was all stuffed with straw! - "Scarecrow Eyes" Shout! Little Poems that Roar by Brod Bagert

A bully. A new school. A stern teacher. A tryout. Hardly a day passes when I don't have to confront at least one scarecrow. But, hey, I'm a person, not a crow, and I know that the best way to deal with a scarecrow is not to fly away but to meet it head-on.

I ain't never scared.

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Day 131 - May 11, 2010

Minds, like diapers, need occasional changing. - The Ballad of Lucy Whipple by Karen Cushman

I have an opinion today, but twenty-four hours from now my mind may have collected new information. I will not muzzle my mind with stubbornness. I will give it a chance to be heard.

It's hard to change an opinion, especially when you're supposed to have it. Or you think you are.

I have new opinions on something. But my feelings are basically the same.

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Day 130 - May 10, 2010

When someone else is talking, you should be quiet until they're finished. Even if they talk a very long time. - Please is a Good Word to Say by Barbara Joosse

Sure, I listen - but exactly whom am I listening to? Am I so busy listening to myself that I'm not really hearing what others say? Today I'll concentrate on listening to the other person - and maybe find out what I've been missing.

I listened during interviews today.

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Day 129 - May 9, 2010

There once was a man who danced in the street. - Rap A Tap Tap by Leo and Diane Dillon

When the spirit moves you to dance - dance!

Am I wound too tight? Overcivilized? Do I schedule my fun? Dance only on a dance floor? Next time I feel like dancing, I'll dance - even if I'm in a parking lot.

I don't schedule my fun. I mean, I do. But I also have fun whenever I want.

I definitely don't wait for a dance floor to dance. I dance all the freakin' time. As anyone who knows me knows.

Right now, I am sitting in the basement of a church in Philadelphia. Not having too much fun because no one seems to know what we're doing.

As of now, the trip is.. interesting. The train took way longer than it should have, because we had to rescue another train's passengers. We traveled for over 12 hours. And then got here and had slight freakouts because of the hundreds of people eating "dinner" at the church. There are 11 of us just kind of sitting here now.

We did go out and take pictures. That was fun. Unscheduled fun, even.

Awesome, I know. Anyway. I'm gonna see if any more fun is gonna happen tonight.

"Maybe there won't be marriage, maybe there won't be sex, but by God there'll be dancing!"

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Day 128 - May 8, 2010

With the food went polite conversation. - Saffy's Angel by Hilary McKay

I won't spoil my meals with arguments and contentious talk. I'll keep it light, positive, pleasant. When my stomach is happy, I'm happy.

Lunch was awesome, with my sisters! And we definitely had lovely conversation. I got to talk to a sister I didn't really know before, so that was cool!

Dinner was good conversation, too.

And breakfast tomorrow morning (in like.. 4.5 hours) will be awesome, too. Because it's Krispy Kreme. Heck yeah.

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Day 127 - May 7, 2010

A is for Asparagus. - The Vegetable Alphabet Book by Jerry Pallotta and Bob Thomson

TODAY I WILL EAT A VEGETABLE.

I love vegetables. I don't know if I technically ate one today - caf food is lacking at the end of the year. Oh, I had some broccoli, actually. Hopefully I'll get more veggies when I'm home. Yum!

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Day 126 - May 6, 2010

He was quick and clever with his hands, and now he was grateful for the skill which was his. - Call It Courage by Armstrong Sperry

I'm going to make something. Maybe I'll get ideas from a book or a crafts fair. Maybe I'll make an origami bird, with nothing but a piece of paper. If it turns out well, I'll give it to someone.

I'm going to make something - when I get home. I promise. Crafting. Will happen.

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Day 125 - May 5, 2010

"It is important for a child to plant a seed," she [Lady Bird Johnson] told a friend, "to water it, nourish it, tend to it, watch it grow...." - Miss Lady Bird's Wildflowers: How a First Lady Changed America by Kathi Appelt

Today I will keep looking until I find, somewhere, a sign of new life.

My brothers are life!

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Day 124 - May 4, 2010

The next morning Mom let me eat breakfast on the porch. I love eating outside. Food always tastes so much better, I think. - When Mules Flew on Magnolia Street by Angela Johnson

Home. School. Car. Mall. Come to think of it, I'm almost always under a roof. Have I lost touch with the world outside these walls? I'll open a door, step outside, get reaquainted.

I am actually outside quite a bit. I'll try to be outside even more tomorrow. We'll see. Until then, goodnight.

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Day 123 - May 3, 2010

Up cheerup I'm up / Let me be the first to greet the light / First cheerily first / Hello day, good-bye night. - "Robin," Fireflies at Midnight by Marilyn Singer

Have I ever experienced the simple joy of hearing birds sing before I open my eyes in the morning? Or do I awaken each day to the noise of alarm clocks, TVs, and people-chatter? One of these nights I'll go to bed earlier than usual. I'll leave a window open. At least once in my life, I'm going to wake up to birdsong.

I walked to my final today with birdsong in the background. One day this week, I will do this. Maybe one day this week I will get up (or stay up?) to watch the sunrise. For now, though, I'm going to sleep.

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Day 122 - May 2, 2010

Bless chipmunks and bluebirds and squirrels / raccoons, toucans, tigers / bats and baboons. Bless barkers and tweeters, quackers and howlers. - Bless This House: A Bedtime Prayer for the World by Leslie Staub

Today I will bless an animal - and resolve to be as good an earthly neighbor as I can be.

I bless the lions, penguins, and ... squirrels (?), oh my!

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Day 121 - May 1, 2010

Dad bought Jackson a hamster. "He's all yours, so take care of him." - Monster Pet! by Angela McAllister and Charlotte Middleton

Whether it be a pet, a person, or even a plant, I will accept responsibility for whatever life is placed in my hands.

I can be trusted with another person's welfare. Except, not a plant. Because those die very easily. Just sayin.

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Day 120 - April 30, 2010

Things just are, and fussing don't bring changes. - Tuck Everlasting by Natalie Babbitt

Today, if life deals me a bad hand, I won't waste time whining about my rotten luck. I'll just fold 'em and say "Deal 'em again."

First of all, it's May 1. I know sometimes I don't post blogs on time, but that's not because I don't write them. I will read the day and actually write the blog down in a notebook or something, so even if they aren't posted on time, they're written. But today, just now, actually.. I realized that I'd forgotten last night. I don't know how, because I've done it for 119 days straight without forgetting. I guess my life has been sort of crazy lately, with finals and .. such. "Such" taking up most of my thoughts.. So I was studying til past 2am, and I had a visitor around 1am-ish. And I've just had a lot to think about.

Actually, the poker metaphor for today (yesterday, I mean) is really appropriate for my life.

I was recently .. dealt a hand that was somewhat surprising, somewhat expected/overdue.. And I didn't really know what to do with it. It wasn't a bad hand, not at all. Just a .. wild card, if you will. I still don't really know what to do with it, and as of today, it looks like I'll have the summer to think about it, or not think about it, as the case may be.

The hand shifted last night.. I guess I traded cards or something, because the hand got .. I don't want to say worse, but it didn't get better and it didn't stay the same. (This metaphor is getting difficult.) I'm slightly disappointed about it, but I'm not going to waste time whining about it. Today is my day to be slightly upset about it, and then I won't complain. Because if it's supposed to work out.. It will. I'm pretty confident about that.

And I don't know how the rest of the game is gonna go. I could go all in.. And win.

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Day 119 - April 29, 2010

To be afraid and to be brave is the best courage of all. - The Courage of Sarah Noble by Alice Dalgliesh

Today I'll do one small brave thing.

I started my final art project. That was a legitimate brave thing. I knew it would take hours, so I planned to work on it pretty much all day.. But I didn't, because I didn't want to start, because I didn't know if I could do it. It's due at 1:30pm tomorrow, though, so I knew I had to start it to finish it. And eventually I did. I recently finished it, and I'm actually pretty pleased. It's not perfect, but I think it's pretty good. Better than I thought it would be, at least.

Well, I suppose I should sleep now. Maybe I'll do some brave things in my dreams :)

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Day 118 - April 28, 2010

"You tried. All day. With a big heart. And that's what counts." - The Best Kid in the World by Peter H. Reynolds

Winning is overrated. Starting now, I'll repeat that to myself five times a day until it sinks in. Trophies and medals and blue ribbons are not the only signs of success. I can finish last in a race and still claim a victory that no trophy can express. What really counts is my effort, my heart. No one can truly defeat me without my permission.

A few things:

• Why would I give someone permission to defeat me?
• I finished last in pretty much every race I ran while on the track team, and I'm pretty sure my victory there was not dying while I ran.
• I think I won today :)

Anyway. I pretty much won at life today. Just sayin. And it was pretty cool. I think I enjoyed it. But I didn't win a prize or anything. I just won happiness. And that's a good thing to have.

I've been awake too long, and I'm losing the battle against sleep. Which is okay! Winning it would be overrated.

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Day 117 - April 27, 2010

We're moving today. I'm so scared God. I've never lived anywhere but here. - Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. by Judy Blume

If there's a big change coming, I'll feel free to be scared, but I won't go off the deep end. I'll keep busy and I'll keep talking, and pretty soon I'll feel at home again.

Uhhh, yeah. Moving sucks a lot. Just sayin. But I don't think that's what this is about.

I think it's about change. Which is happening, because classes just ended, finals start soon, and summer will bring changes. I've never had a summer break from college before. It's hard to know what to do.

Change just happened in the Delta Pi house.. Not our legit house, because that doesn't exist, but you know what I mean. Well, items have changed hands, which is sort of symbolic for other change, in certain situations. So that was interesting. And long. Very, very long.

I am definitely not thinking straight at 2am right now.. So I'm going to change my position on my bed.. And go to sleep.

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Day 116 - April 26, 2010

The whooping cranes take off like feathered spears. Once more to northern nesting grounds they go. May it always be so. - Song for the Whooping Crane by Eileen Spinelli and Elsa Warnick

I may never see a whooping crane, but in some small way it's nice to know that as the elements of my life come and go, tumble and change, I can always count on that big white bird heading north year after year after year. May it always be so.

So basically there are some things that never change. Constants that you can look to, like the changing seasons, migrations, sunrise and sunset, God's love (if you believe in that, which, I do).

When everything else seems to be going crazy, you should be able to look to those things and chill out, because some things never change, in a good way.

Since the sunrise is something that always happens, and since the sunrise brings an 8am (my last of the semester!), I will acknowledge another constant - sleep.

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Day 115 - April 25, 2010

"Sorry, Dewey, but someone has to go last. This year it's our turn." - Book Fair Day by Lynn Plourde

If I find myself last in line today, I won't get bent out of shape. Who do I think I am, some Prince of the Universe who never has to be last? Last happens. First happens. It's called life. Big deal.

Gosh, if I were Prince of the Universe.. What would I do?

But yeah, I don't really mind being last in line.

Unless it's last in line to sleep. And with the nighttime cold medicine I took, that is definitely not the case. Good night.

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Day 114 - April 24, 2010

He said practicing every day was more important than how long I practiced. - Playing Dad's Song by D. Dina Friedman

If I wait too long to lift my dream, I may find that it's too heavy. But if I start now, day by day, every day, someday people may marvel at how much I can carry.

Since I've just gotten back to MaWa from hanging out with Rabbit and Matt.. I'm currently thinking that my dream should be a better relationship between Delta Pi and Theta Chi. Until I talked to him tonight, I didn't really understand that our relationship is not the way it should be. My big has been telling me that I need to love the boys, and hang out with the boys, and I was told the same thing tonight.

I think the reason I didn't notice so much is because I do try to love the boys and hang out with them. I totally love my brothers; they are some of my favorite people in the world, and I think just as highly of them as I do of my sisters. They're crazy important to me and I really don't know what I would do without them.

So I guess my dream for today's quote is that Delta Pi and Theta Chi get to be a total dream team (Jay-Z and Beyonce, Tessa and Daniel, Delta Pi and Theta Chi). By the way, it's for some reason really hard for me to spell the word Theta. It takes a lot of mental effort. Anyway.

I'll go ahead to bed and dream about the dream. Goodnight, brothers and sisters! (And everyone else, too)

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Day 113 - April 23, 2010

When they reached the school, Little Brown Bear waved good-bye to Papa Bear and blow Mama Bear a kiss. - Little Brown Bear Won't Go to School! by Jane Dyer

Do I ignore my parents when other kids are around? Next time my dad drops me off somewhere, I'll say "Thanks, Dad." Next time I'm with my mother and we bump into my friends, I won't act as if I don't know her.

I always know my mother.

Usually.

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Day 112 - April 22, 2010

The first Earth Day, held on April 22, 1970, marked a turning point in the history of public understanding of nature and of humankind's place in it. - The Environmental Movement by Laurence Pringle

Today I will do what, really, I should do every day - I will honor the earth. My earth.

I wonder if Rachel Carson had anything to do with that. I miss her.

Today I wore my shirt that says, "Celebrate Earth Day," and I stood outside watching people eat the energy-free meal while I talked to the best grandbig in the whole wide world.

Now the earth will really love me, because I'm going to sleep. (Yeah, I know. That doesn't make sense.)

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Day 111 - April 21, 2010

His reply was discouraging. - Charlotte Brontë and Jane Eyre by Stewart Ross

If I get a discouraging answer today, I'll let my feelings have their way for a while. But I won't sink into them and drown. I'll keep slogging through them. Because I know that on the other side is a better place.

Okay, I'm slightly discouraged at the moment. I just don't understand people, or my life, or anything like that. And I feel like there isn't enough time for them to be explained before it's too late.

I would like these situations to be remedied as soon as possible. Really, I think it's just one situation, but if I pluralize, I feel like I can generalize.

I went to my first DRP today. I never went to one before I was a sister! That made me quite sad, but it's good to be on this side :)  - Which, coincidentally, seems to be exactly what this quote today is saying. You may be discouraged about something, but the other side of discouraged is a better place.

So, given the nature of today's quote, I'll try to go to bed discouraged, and wake up in a better place. (Hopefully tonight there aren't nightmares like last night :( because there is no roommate to make them better!)

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Day 110 - April 20, 2010

My advice to young poets is, "Look to your own lives." - A Fire In My Hands by Gary Soto

Today I am going to write a poem about myself, and there's only one place I need to turn to for research: little ol' fascinating me.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
My eyes are green,
And I like cool shoes.

I'm the Baby Pi,
And I freakin' rock.
When you see how crazy/sexy/cool I am,
It'll knock off your socks.

I'd rather go to sleep
Than study for my calculus test.
But if I don't, I might not pass,
So studying would be for the best.

My back hurts quite often,
Including right now.
I'd really love a massage
From someone who knows how.

When I'm in my room alone
In the middle of the day
I sing along to Pandora
While wasting time away.

I sleep with Stitch
and dance with myself
The boys want the goodies
But right now they're on the shelf.

The Goo Goo Dolls are singing
"Without You Here"
And I'm sitting here thinking
About you, my dear.

School is almost over
And I don't know what I'll do
Without all of my sisters
And, of course, you.

If you don't know what I'm saying,
Or if you're slightly confused,
Go to bed, don't worry about it,
Your ignorance will be excused.

I've got a Calculus test in just under 8 hours
So now studying's the plan.
Hopefully soon I'll be asleep;
What rhymes now? Renaissance man.

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Day 109 - April 19, 2010

"Feelings stink," he declared. "This school stinks." - The Twinkie Squad by Gordon Korman

Will this turn out to be one of those really bad days that make me want to say "Life stinks"? If it is, so be it. But right now I pledge that when I wake up tomorrow morning, life and I will have a fresh start.

No, life is actually pretty good. Michaela is here and awesome, and today was a pretty darn good day.

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Day 108 - April 18, 2010

"Look around," said Gabby. "It's a dump!" - The Messy Lot by Larry Dane Brimner

I live in a house, but I also live on a street, in a neighborhood. Maybe it doesn't look like a dump, but sometimes I'll see a soda can or a Cracker Jack box or an apple core on the sidewalk, and, of course, I just walk by - like everybody else. Maybe for just one day in the year I might not be everybody else. Maybe one day in the year I might walk the length of my one little block with a bag and pick up trash. Maybe today.

Well, first of all. Who eats Cracker Jacks anymore? And aren't apples biodegradable, or something like that?

I'm not really living on a street at the moment where I can do those things. And there isn't a lot of trash on the little pretend streets on campus. I'll clean my room, though.

I'll clean it tomorrow, though. Because tonight I'm going to sleep. Right now, actually.

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Day 107 - April 17, 2010

Nothing in the world is quite as adorably lovely as a robin when he shows off.... - The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett

Today I will be my own best self.

I was my best self - and better! <3 <3 <3 <3

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Day 106 - April 16, 2010

Nobody can be uncheered with a balloon. - Eeyore Has A Birthday by A. A. Milne

The things that used to cheer me up, do they still make me smile? If not, today I'll blow up a balloon and get reacquainted with the little kid in me.

Lots of things make me happy.

Once my cousin Jamie and I waited in the car while our dads played frisbee golf, and a feather got in the car, and we were amused for hours. Good thing - frisbee golf is freakin boring.

But I do think I still get happy because of the little things.

I'm happy to be with my brothers and sisters right now, at my first Delta Pi function - which I'll now get back to :)

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Day 105 - April 15, 2010

"Do not boast," Bellini said. - Mirette on the High Wire by Emily Arnold McCully

I will not make the boasters' mistake. I'll shut my mouth and let my actions do the talking.

I don't think I boast, really. I think I'm confident sometimes, which can come off as bragging or boasting or whatever, but I really don't think it's a bad thing to think you're awesome. Honestly.

I suppose, since it's 4am, that instead of bragging, I'll go to sleep.

ALSO!
ABC: Life from the start of the alphabet: Big, Huge Favor???

Help out one of my sisters! Vote for her design!!

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Day 104 - April 14, 2010

"Nobody believed the Titanic could sink.... That's why none of the passengers believed the ship was sinking, right up until the last minute, until it was too late." - White Star: A Dog on the Titanic by Marty Crisp

Today, like every day, I'll be bombarded by marketers promising me everything from clear skin to popularity. I'll begin by not believing everything they say. Then I'll test their claims against my own common sense and the experience of others. And finally I'll ask myself: Do I really need - or even want - this product?

We're talking about things like this in Mass Comm right now; we're on the advertising chapter. It's interesting, I think. We're also supposed to be media literate, so that is basically exactly what the task for today is.

The only time I had chance to be persuaded to buy anything was earlier tonight when I went to Abingdon with Annie. We went to Kroger with the intent of buying sunscreen - if you didn't know, I'm pretty pale. Okay, very extremely super pale. So I'll burn in like, 5 minutes. I wanted sunscreen, something salty, and juice. I got sunscreen, after comparing many different kinds. (Do you think 30 SPF is enough?!! ;)) I got Chex Mix for my salty requirement, and then instead of juice, I got knock-off Oreos. Mmmmm. I think that was a good choice.

If you put mint Oreos in the microwave for a little bit.. The inside will be melty and perfect. Oh my goodness. Typing it makes me want to do it. But I won't, for a few reasons. One, I don't have a plate out to put any on. Two, I really want to get to bed early tonight. Three, I don't need anything to eat. Four, I'm lazy. And five, I'm not wearing any pants. I'd have to get dressed. Fat chance of that happening.

The "marketers" probably want me to stay up and waste my life, but I will not listen, because I know that sleep is wonderful. Goodnight!

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Day 103 - April 13, 2010

Since Miss Hagerty appreciates beauty, I put a pansy in a bud vase in the corner of her tray. - A Corner of the Universe by Ann M. Martin

Many life lessons can be found in this simple gesture. Let's focus on just two: sensitivity and action. That is, (1) being aware of what others like and (2) acting on it.

Am I a kind, sensitive, giving person? Sometimes it's hard to know, because for much of my life these qualities have been assignments handed down from my parents: "Write a thank-you note to Aunt Sally." ... "Tell Grandma she looks nice in her new outfit." ... and so on. Today, if only to prove to myself that I can do it, I'll aim my sensitivity at someone and see what I come up with. Then I'll do something nice - without being told.

I really wish I had read today's page before 12:35am. Because then I could have done something nice!

Okay. A few comments.

• The book that this quote is from is the book that I remember as the first book that made me cry. I don't remember what it was about, even, although I could pick it out of a line-up by its cover (There's the graphic designer in me, I suppose).
• I was thinking that my parents never told me things like that, but then I realize.. yeah, they did. And I did them.
• And about the previous blogs, I wrote them down on the day I was supposed to. Last night's was somewhat strange because I was very very very tired.

Something else that I thought of.. I did aim my sensitivity at someone today! Meredith asked me to help fill balloons with paint for the stress fair, so I attempted to help. They had to go get different balloons, though, and I then had to go to my study session, so I didn't end up being much help. I did try to help, though, and I think it was being pretty nice. And it came out well, too. I ended up with a lovely surprise when I got back to my room later :))

OH! I thought of a nice thing. I just wrote someone an anonymous note, and I'm going to go stick it on their door. It should hopefully make them smile, since I think they need it at the moment.

Handled it! Like a ninja. What. Up.

I'll try for some more nice things tomorrow, too. But for now, good night!

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Day 102 - April 12, 2010

Symmetry is a state of balance. - Math for Kids & Other People Too! by Theoni Pappas

Is my life out of balance? Am I tilting too much one way or another? Let it be known that yesterday was the last day I was one-sided.

I don't think my life is out of balance.

Nuff said.

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Day 101 - April 11, 2010

"You understand now that the more you give, the more you have left to give?" - Sharing Susan by Eve Bunting

Inside me is a miracle waiting to happen, call it my heart, my spirit, my humanity, whatever. If I try to save it and hoard it all for myself, it only shrinks smaller and smaller. But if I give it away - lo and behold, it grows! I could give for a thousand years and never use up half of my heart.

Sometimes it's scary to give away your heart. Although reading this again, that's not really what they mean. Or, wait. Yes, it is.

Well. It's difficult. Especially when not everyone wants it, or you think not everyone deserves it. I don't even mean romantic type giving away your heart, either. Any kind.

We can all work on that.

I will try. But for now, I will sleep. If you notice that I'm giving my heart to you, be glad! And give some of yours to me :)

[post-write edit: Thank you for that piece of your heart. :) I'll try and reciprocate.]

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Day 100 - April 10, 2010

"Be patient, Mayumie. We're almost there." - The Falling Flowers by Jennifer B. Reed

Have I said "Are we there yet?" for the last time? Am I ready to stop itching and fretting because every little thing isn't happening right this instant? Am I old enough to be patient?

Ohhh, patience. Can't believe that. Today we were forced to be patient. We didn't really want to be some of the the time.

This was the craziest day EVER.

I don't even know how we all survived it. It was kinda ridiculous.

Really great things happened for Day 100.

So so crazy. I will explain it all when I can type it. But let's just say.. Patience is a virtue that we don't necessarily possess. Given the circumstances, though, you'll understand.

But until I can type them all, you'll have to be patient. Good. Night. ... Finally.

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Day 99 - April 9, 2010

For those who are willing to make an effort, great miracles and wonderful treasures are in store. - "A Tale of Three Wishes" Stories for Children by Isaac Bashevis Singer

Do I spend too much time on my duff, doing nothing? Do I consider watching TV and hanging out "doing something"? OK, so I don't have to run a marathon today, but as long as I'm making an effort at something productive, I'm putting myself in a position to get the most out of my life.

"Luck is the residue of design."

Basically, good things happen when you work for them. I think that I've been working for them, sort of.. and they've been happening. Life is good. Very lovely, and I'm quite pleased as of late.

I'm currently in Arlington. Tomorrow good things will happen, as we have worked for them.

Now I will work for sleep, and it will be good.

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Day 98 - April 8, 2010

Later in life Alec said he learned to be observant during his long walks to and from school. - With a Little Luck: Surprising Stories of Amazing Discoveries by Dennis Brindell Fradin

Today I'm going to - gulp! - walk. Maybe to or from school - or through a park - or just around the block. I look forward to seeing the little things I've been missing all my life.

I walk all the time. Walking is basically my only mode of transportation. So I feel like this is slightly irrelevant.

But I did walk without shoes today. I wore them to lunch, and then from dinner on, but I went most of the day without them. My feet were not very happy with me. I don't mind being barefoot, but this was kind of difficult. Can't imagine how I would go without shoes all the time. Sucks that all those people have to.

Also, a few days ago, the quote mentioned going out in the rain. It didn't rain that day, but it did today. And I made sure to leave my umbrella in the room. I think I enjoyed the rain more than others did.

Now, though, I am going to get some sleep. This weekend I'm going to DC to walk and walk and walk, so the blogs will be slightly delayed. Goodnight and sweet dreams, all.

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Day 97 - April 7, 2010

As Mrs. Del Rubio stamped the book, she said, "Remember to return it by April seventh." - Beverly Billingsly Borrows a Book by Alexander Stadler

 

Have I borrowed a book - or anything else - lately? If so, I'll make sure not only to return it but to return it on time. 

 

I am currently in possession of Annie's ruler. Which clearly, I should have returned, because on the walk back from Byars just now, it cut my finger open. Which I didn't notice until I used hand sanitizer. Yeah, just imagine that for a second, if you will. It hurt, quite a lot.

Much like my back does right now. Ohhhh man. It's a problem. I think it probably has something to do with the flip-flop situation that's been happening as of late.

Tomorrow, I'm going to try to not wear shoes at all. One Day Without Shoes. Because a lot of people don't get to wear shoes ever. And I've got like.. waaaay too many pairs of shoes, really. I feel like they might not let me into the cafeteria without shoes.. I don't quite know what to do about that.

• In some developing nations, children must walk for miles to school, clean water and to seek medical help.
• Cuts and sores on feet can lead to serious infection.
• Often, children cannot attend school barefoot.
• In Ethiopia, approximately one million people are suffering from Podoconiosis, a debilitating and disfiguring disease caused by walking barefoot in volcanic soil.
• Podoconiosis is 100% preventable with basic foot hygiene and wearing shoes.

So there you go. Some facts for you, about why people all over are going barefoot April 8th.

Now I will return myself to my bed - the day has been borrowing me for much too long.

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Day 96 - April 6, 2010

Give yourself to the rain when it falls. - Give Yourself to the Rain: Poems for the Very Young by Margaret Wise Brown

Ban umbrellas! Go dance with the little kids. It's your birthright. Your earthright.

If it rains today, I'll run outside.

I wish it had rained today! That would have been fun. I even have rainboots to splash with now! So next time it rains, I will go play. Maybe someone will play with me!!

I feel like.. that quote doesn't have to be literal, either. Although, I don't really know if I could explain that, so..

The next time it rains, you'll know where to find me.

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Day 95 - April 5, 2010

...I didn't know what to say so I wiggled my nose and made my bunny face and she laughed... - "Making Friends" In the Land of Words: New and Selected Poems by Eloise Greenfield

I'm not very good at bunny faces - and I'm too old for that, anyway - but I can do a killer [you supply the move]. Today I'll pick out a stranger and give it a try. A new friend may be only a killer move away.

"And yet our shyness with strangers often prevents friendship from ever gaining a foothold."

That's so interesting.

The strangers I come in contact with are generally prospective families, so I guess my insert here would be.. giving a tour, or something. Although I don't know. But I gave one today. So there are possible new friends, I suppose.

It's funny because it's hard to know when you can do something strange and it will make you a friend. What you can/should do really depends on who you're dealing with, and if you don't know them, it's really hard to judge what their reaction will be or whether or not you should make the first move.

My newest friend is only a dream away - I've been told to dream about getting dragons with a friend. So hopefully one of them is nice. We'll see! Goodnight!

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Day 94 - April 4, 2010

"I'll be right back, Baby Jay," says Mama Jay. "Don't leave the nest." - Leaving the Nest by Mordicai Gerstein

Heeding my parents' directions has kept me safe so far. I'll keep on heeding, and I'll remember this when I have a nest - and nestlings - of my own.

Have I left the nest, or is that when I legitimately move out? Because either way, I don't spend a lot of time in the nest. I'm guessing, though, that I still do basically what my parents have told me to do. Except do your homework before midnight and go to bed at a reasonable hour. Both of which I've failed at today. Time to do one or both.

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Day 93 - April 3, 2010

Put me in a blindfold so I can't see a thing. Even with my eyes closed I'll still know it's spring. - "Nose Knows" Pieces: A Year in Poems and Quilts by Anna Grossnickle Hines

Today I'm going to get to know my senses better. I'm going to close my eyes for ten minutes. Then I'll pinch my nose and muffle my ears for ten minutes each. This will help me do two things: 1. appreciate the rewards of my missing sense; 2. appreciate the surprising, compensating powers of my other senses.

Okay.

I actually would have loved to do this but I really just can't. I have to sleep right now because being awake and not crying is really not going to happen for much longer. Is crying one of the senses? It should be.

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Day 92 - April 2, 2010

I saw a little girl in a wooden wagon... staring at the rising sun as if it were the very dawn of creation. - Love, Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli

Why let the sun do all the dawning?

I'll give this day a second sunrise: I'll smile.

Well, yes. I'm pretty sure I smiled today. At least once or twice, haha. Because I've got my puppy and my mommy and daddy and sissy and house. And I get to get the mail! And I filled out the Census. Even though I'm not counted with my own family anymore.. WHATEVER, U.S. Census Bureau. I STILL EXIST HERE! Just so you know.

I'm sort of .. not focused on this blog right now. Somewhat intense conversation happening in another window. I also don't have much to say, today, anyway.

Smile, though your heart is aching. Smile, even though it's breaking. When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by.

If you smile through your fear and sorrow, smile and maybe tomorrow, you'll see the sun come shining through - for you.

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Day 91 - April 1, 2010

When it came time for Miss Higgins to give out grades, she kept remembering the student who had brought her a pastrami sandwich. - Forget Apples; or My Report Card, My Menu by A. P. Phull

It's tough on teachers, having to make all those decisions on grades with nothing to go on but homework, test scores, and classroom participation. They need help. I'll help my teacher decide my grade with a gift. Pickles to pork rolls - whatever it takes - I'll meet the challenge.*

*April Fool's! You can't grub grades with food. (It doesn't hurt to be nice to your teacher, though.)

Wow, that was a great April Fool's joke. Really had me thinking I should bake Goolsby a cake.

I'm in the weirdest mood right now. So I don't really feel like writing much. But I'm home. (Thanks to my beautiful sister Christina!) So that's good.

Now I'm going to see if someone wants to get on my good side by giving me food. Goodnight.

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Day 90 - March 31, 2010

Angel decided to make the most beautiful kite in the world. - Angel's Kite: La estrella de Angel by Alberto Blanco

Today I will find out what kind of kid Angel is. I will make a list of three things that I can make instead of buy.

Three things... You can make dinner instead of buying it at a restaurant. Although you have to get the ingredients. You can paint a painting instead of buying one. You can make clothes instead of buying them, assuming you're talented enough. You could make crystal meth if you had a meth lab in your basement. Then you wouldn't have to buy any from your local drug dealer.

That last one was slightly strange; I'm not in a great mood at the moment, so you'll have to forgive me.

I just.. Well, I don't know. Today Brian and I got to make a list (instead of buying one) of people I could take to function. So maybe I'll ask some sisters and see what the consensus ends up being. I'm not thrilled at having to find another person to take. It's not awesome. But anyway.

I made my bed, instead of buying it.. And even though that doesn't make sense, it would make a lot of sense if I were dreaming. Hopefully.

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Day 89 - March 30, 2010

Some days sting and others pour like sugar from your spoon. - "Squeeze," Squeeze: Poems from a Juicy Universe by Heidi Mordhorst

Will my today be sting or sugar? Whichever, I've got an attitude ready to handle it.

Is there an in-between? What would that be? Hmmm..

At any rate, I don't think my day was either sugar or sting. Nothing terrible happened, and nothing spectacular happened. So I don't really know what to say about this.

Although, there was an incident that was freak out worthy. To me, it would have been, usually. But I didn't freak out. I was chill about it; stoic, if you will. I started an online journal, one that only I can read, so that I can say anything and everything. So I typed out this huge huge ridiculously long blog - it had so much content; it was insane. It was the longest blog I've probably ever written. I finished it and clicked "PUBLISH POST" - at which point, it would usually say something like, "Your blog has posted successfully!" This time, though, it gave me an error. And it didn't save, either, like it normally does periodically through typing. So I lost everything. It was pretty upsetting. But I was chill about it, almost uncharacteristically, I think.

Today was a lazy morning after my Calculus test. Then a busy afternoon. I quite preferred the morning. After the test and a leisurely breakfast, I pretty much stayed in bed. I possibly (probably) shouldn't have, but I didn't really care.

So right now, my back is killing me. There is the sting. But I am about to leave you to cook (throwing that term around pretty loosely) some Ramen. There is the sugar! Goodnight :)

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Day 88 - March 29, 2010

You can't take [words] back.... They sit there like big damp frogs. - Western Wind by Paula Fox

And those frogs croak all night long. You can't shut them up. You can hold your mouth open for the next ten years and they will not hop back in. Happily, there is one fool-proof protection against regretted word-frogs: Don't let them out in the first place.

Today, if I feel myself about to release a word I'll regret, I'll bite my frog.

This is one of the more disgusting metaphors I've heard. And today, I didn't say anything I'll regret. I try to not regret anything, anyway.

But sometimes words do come out that you don't mean to say, and you just have to hope that people forget about it or don't mention it, haha.

Keep your mouth shut while I go to sleep (after finally studying for my Calculus test, that is).

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Day 87 - March 28, 2010

Bear in mind that it is not fine clothes that make the gentleman. - The Adventures of Pinocchio by Carlo Collodi

Today when I meet someone wearing expensive clothes, I will resist being impressed. When I meet someone wearing cheap clothes, I will resist feeling superior.

I think.. That despite what I may have said on Friday afternoon, people who wear Hokie tails.. are not ridiculous/lame/funny looking people. Some of them are actually not so bad. They do look funny when they wear Hokie tails, but I should judge the inner Hokie instead. I think I can do that :)

Tonight has barely begun. It is half past midnight, and I still have to do a long MCOM assignment and write my Honors application essay. Yes, I should have started sooner. Yes, I would love to go to bed right now. However, when I got back from Cambridge tonight, I was not in a great mood. That's no reason not to do work, I know. But right now, I'm in a pretty darn good mood. I'm not exactly sure why, although I think I have a pretty good idea.

So (while in my cheap, crappy looking sweatpants.. you can't feel superior!) I'm going to try and get to work. Night!

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Day 86 - March 27, 2010

Yet I'm sometimes impatient, sad, angry.... - Brown Honey in Broomwheat Tea by Joyce Carol Thomas

Syllogism: Bad feelings are part of being human; I'm human; therefore, bad feelings are part of me. I won't coop them up. I won't apologize for having them. I'll give them some slack, let them express themselves. It's part of who I am. It's OK.

It really bothers me that this book always has "OK" instead of "okay."

Also, I never apologize. Because it's too laaaaaaaaaaaaaaate.

But really, I don't. Because I don't think I should apologize when I don't mean it, which, I rarely do. Not like I'm evil/terrible or anything. I just don't do things that I need to apologize for a lot. And if I do want to apologize, it's usually irrational and I try to keep myself from doing it. I have an example, but I'm not going to mention it.

It's almost 2am and someone just "CAW"ed in the hallway.

And clearly I have bad feelings. But really, I don't know if I believe that they're bad, either.

My feelings right now are that I should sleep.

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Day 85 - March 26, 2010

"But I know you are telling me the truth, Ben." - The Angel's Command by Brian Jacques

Do people trust you enough to say that if you say so, it must be true?

I hope so. I'll try to make it so.

Yes. I think people trust me enough to believe me when I say something is true. But that is all for tonight. Goodnight.

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Day 84 - March 25, 2010

When David gets in trouble, he always says... "No! It's not my fault!" - David Gets In Trouble by David Shannon

Why don't I ever put the blame on myself? What am I afraid of - respect? If I screw up today, I'll point the finger at myself.

But, wait - I was gonna blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol.

Actually, today has been somewhat of a good day. It's had its frustrations, like stupid painters leaving paint everywhere so it gets on my clothes! But overall, it's been good. I haven't really had much to blame myself for, I don't think.

Except for the fact that it's 3:24am and I still haven't gone to sleep yet. I blame myself for that. Goodnight!

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Day 83 - March 24, 2010

If Houdini could hold his breath for five thousand seconds in his crate in the ocean, than Victor could certainly hold his breath for five thousand seconds in his tub in the bathroom. - The Houdini Box by Brian Selznick

It doesn't take Victor long to discover that he cannot match his role model, Houdini. Role models are good only if they are used correctly. ... What a role model can do is inspire you to spend the time and effort to achieve a goal of your own.

I will not try to become my role model. I will use my role model to try to become a better me.

First of all, five thousand seconds is more than an hour. How can anyone hold their breath that long?

Second of all, I'm not sure that I have a role model. Not like a celebrity or anything. Although, I do have a very good book called What Would Audrey Do? which tells me how to be like Audrey Hepburn in life situations. If I had to choose a role model, I always said that Audrey is who I would say, but I really don't know.

I do think that there are people I know who I would like to be like. Real people, though. I'd like to be as kind and genuine and amazing as my sister Elizabeth. I'd like to get as excited about things that make me happy as my sister Erin. I'd like to be as sweet as my sisters Tessa and Christina, and as fun-loving and ready for anything as my sisters Sierra and Melyssa. I'd love to be so cool that I can just do cartwheels anywhere and everywhere like my big sister Jess. I'd love to be as real and talented and beautiful as my grandbig Britt. I'd love to be fearless like my sisters Mary and Rachel, and as loving as my sisters Lindley and Samantha. I'd like to be tough like my sister Kaylee, and kind (and practically perfect) like my sister Katie. I'd like to be as fun as my sister Ashton and as self-assured as my sister Mary K. I'd like to be as good a person as my sisters Haley and Jessica C. I'd love to be as wonderful and thoughtful as my sister Libby. I would also love to be as caring and accepting as the sisters who I don't really know are to me. (I've never met Ashley, but I know she reads my blog and I'm sure she's amazing! :))

Yeah, so.. If you didn't already realize, I think my sisters are pretty awesome, so if I'd ever want to be like someone else, it would be them.

They help me to be a better me, not to be a clone of them. The better me is going to start studying now (it's only 8pm!), so thinking about how awesome they are must really help! ;)

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Day 82 - March 23, 2010

"It doesn't matter if you're an amateur or a pro poet. Nobody knows until they try it...." - Sister Slam and the Poetic Motormouth Road Trip by Linda Oatman High

How will I know what I can do and can't do, what I do and don't like, if I never try anything new? Today I'll try a new thing. And next week another new thing. And every week for a year. Because the time is always TNS time!

TNS is apparently code for "Try New Stuff" time. What did I do today that was new? Stayed up until 5:30am. I never do that. Went to CCF, which isn't new, but I probably haven't gone but once this semester. Today I had lunch with a possible replacement for Goolsby. That was new; I don't do that every day. Not that I have the opportunity to, but still. She was really awesome. I love her and I want her to be my art teacher. But anyway.

Today someone asked, "Are you feeling really Delta Pi today or something? Because you've got a lot of turquoise on." My response was, "I feel really Delta Pi every day!" It's true, I do. :)

I was totally on schedule until a few hours ago. I wrote down everything I was doing from my last class until 10:30. I should have kept writing, because after that is when I stopped being productive. I went from class to dinner to doing the Speak Out to preparing for my study session to the SAA meeting to my Foundations meeting to my study session to the Delta Pi meeting. Then I lost it. No more productivity. Well. I did my Calculus and put pictures on the hard drive for Alex. But that was all. It's 1am and I still have a paper to write. I don't really understand what's going on with my crazy sleeping schedule lately. I do understand that I'm really really tired at the moment. I would love to take a nap before I write my paper, but I'm worried that I won't wake up. (Not that I'll die, just that I'll sleep until the morning, when the paper is due.)

Oh, I just want to mention today that I love my sisters and brothers. They are all wonderful.

My friends are, too. :)

I'm going to try a new thing. A nap at 1am. Wish me luck!

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Day 81 - March 22, 2010

"How about a drink?" "What can I get you?" "Want a beer?" - Drinking: A Risky Business by Laurence Pringle

...For now, my answers to the questions above are as follows:
1. No.
2. Fruit juice.
3. No.

Awesome. Well, I think this book assumes that I am a child.

I think I can handle myself. I also think I've been legal once already, so I feel like this is kind of irrelevant.

Also. If you say you don't want a drink, you cannot then ask for fruit juice. Fruit juice is a drink.

It's almost 3am and I'm not really very tired. That's a good thing, because I have an art project to do that I haven't started. My lack of sleepiness is probably due to the five hour nap I took today.

Was I tired today? Well, I'm always slightly tired. But no, I wasn't really. I slept for five hours so I could avoid seeing people. I skipped one of my classes (and didn't do the work for another one). I had lunch at the Deli instead of the cafeteria so I didn't have to try to avoid people in a small room. I had dinner at 7:30 so I could avoid people. Today has been only slightly less terrible than yesterday. And that's only been recently (by recently, I mean, around 11-12).

Why have the last two days been so crappy? Well, if you know me, you can ask me. Basically it involves people saying things about me that aren't true. I'm not even completely sure who is talking about it, or who has heard. Either way, it does not make me ecstatic. The opposite, in fact. And tomorrow I will probably not be able to avoid the other subject of the rumors, which slightly worries me, since I don't know what I will do about that. But.. I don't know.

Good things?
My friends who know about that are being really awesome and telling me how awesome I am, and that I don't need to worry about it, that I'm strong, amazing, etc. and can therefore handle anything.. And that if I can't, they'll punch people in the face for me.
I talked to a friend today who is going to come with me to Function, so that's exciting. I think we'll have fun, and sisters and their dates will like him :) - actually, I know we'll have fun. That's why I asked him to come.
I have a plan for this art project, which doesn't often happen. (Actually, it does happen. That's why I'm a Graphic Design major. The ideas are what I've got. So nevermind that last part.)
I got five hours of sleep today!
The work I didn't do (a paper for Foundations) had its due date changed to Wednesday, so nobody even needed to know that I didn't do it.
I didn't have a tour today.
I got to have Deli lunch with Kristin.
I am listening to my Gloriana station on Pandora, which often involves me singing along.
I did my Calculus homework!
Brianne's pictures are BEAUTIFUL. Never have I looked so lovely in pictures.

And now I should get to work on my art project. First I need a drink, though! Don't worry, it's just ginger ale! :P

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Day 80 - March 21, 2010

I would not climb any stairs if I were Masai. I would lift a cowhide flap, and I'd be home. - Masai and I by Virginia Kroll

Today I'll choose some country, some culture, I've never before given a moment's thought to. I'll read about these other people, how they're both different from me and the same as me. It is good to know my earthly neighbors.

No. I didn't research any country or culture or anything. I'm having a terrible day, and it doesn't seem to be getting any better. People are stupid. My "earthly neighbors" are stupid. I don't want to see them or talk to them. That is all.

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Day 79 - March 20, 2010

"I...err," I say. "I mean...ummm...yeah." - The Earth, My Butt, and Other Big Round Things by Carolyn Macker

If it's possible, just for fun, I'll record some conversation between me and my friends. Then I'll transcribe five or ten minutes' worth. I'm curious to see how much sense it will make and what I might learn about communicating better.

My conversations are not so ridiculous that they can't be understood. I didn't record any, but I did watch a video Katherine made for me, where she talked to me. So I listened to that. And we type conversations all the time, so we know what we're saying.

Today was very much fun!

I got to sleep in, have omelettes (mmmm.. I'm verrrrrry hungry), go to an awesome baseball game, take a nap, go to the play, and then go out with my sisters! We had a lot of fun dancing and such. Delta Pis are pretty freakin' awesome, just sayin'. But I think everyone knew that already. :)

Now I have to communicate that it's time for bed. Since it's .. 4am. Night!

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Day 78 - March 19, 2010

Even the queen is obliged to take a holiday from her cares and woes. - The Queen's Progress: An Elizabethan Alphabet by Celeste Davidson Mannis

Today I'll give my biggest care the day off.

Today, I had no cares. I gave them all the day off. Even though I'm not exactly sure what cares I have, I definitely didn't have them today. Today was a wonderful day. Would you like to hear about it?

I skipped breakfast to print a paper, which was sad, but not so sad, because I needed to print the paper, and sleeping in just a little bit is always nice. I went to my classes, took a nice break, had a lovely lunch with different people than usual, which was a nice change of pace, and gave a tour.

While on my tour, I saw Brianne, Sarah, and Annie walking towards Van Dyke/duck pond/etc, so after the tour I thought I would see if I could find them. They were at the duck pond, as I had predicted they would be, and Brianne was taking pictures. So I joined them and was one of Brianne's models for the day. It was lovely!

Keep in mind that today is both dress day (which means I wear a cute springtime dress) and freakin' nice weather, which means I'm in a fantastic mood.

I took a nap for a while, sat with Kevin and Elizabeth at the Hut for a while, and then had dinner with Annie, Marisa, and Cesiah (I'm really name-dropping in this blog, today.. not sure why). We headed back to MaWa where I got ready for meeting Jess.

Jess picked me up and we had a lovely night, where I met at least five new people and spent time with at least four who I did know. Milkshakes, magicians, and hammocks. That kind of night. I really think that Steve made me probably the best milkshake ever. Just throwing that out there. So we had a chill, fun, relaxing end to the week/start of the weekend.

No cares at all, yo. :)

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Day 77 - March 18, 2010

"What is that music?" Kenya asked. "It's jazz," Daddy said. "Jaaaazz." - Kenya's Word by Linda Trice

I hereby declare this week Jazz Week. Each day for seven days I'll take at least ten minutes to listen to a different "flavor" of jazz. There may be some new music in my future.

Soooooo happy birthday to Amanda YAY.

And since it's jazz week, it's not a terrible thing that I didn't listen to any today, because I have all week. Jazz week. That's freakin' ridiculous.

Anyway. Today was good.

In my future: Jazz, apparently. Paper writing. And then sleep.

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Day 76 - March 17, 2010

For the McKeevers were down on their luck. - The Leprechaun in the Basement by Kathy Tucker

Next time hard times hit my family, I won't just go off on my own happy little tangent. I'll ask Mom and Dad how I can help.

I think they're talking about hard times being easier to handle when they're shared, which I suppose makes sense. They also mention good times being more fun when they're shared, so they're probably right.

This seems like a somewhat depressing quote for St. Patrick's Day, though.

I love it when everybody wears green. Could we do that with other colors on other days, too? It's pretty awesome. But it's also like a huge mass brainwashing. Which, in a way, is sort of cool, too. A weird way.

Could we get a mass turquoise day going on? That would be hardcore.

I should really do some sketches or something.. since they're due tomorrow, and all. Wish me luck!

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Day 75 - March 16, 2010

Sometimes a person needs a quiet place. - A Quiet Place by Douglas Wood

Yesterday, and the day before, I think my whisper voice tried to reach me. But I did not hear. Today I will get myself to a quiet place, and I will listen. Today I will hear.

I live by myself. (Yes, technically, I still live at home. But for the majority of my time right now, I live at school, with no roommate. So I say that I live by myself.) So my quiet place exists whenever I want it to. Like right now. It's pretty quiet. I can hear the heater/air conditioner thing. And myself typing. And AIM whenever Jimmy sends me a message.

I ate dinner by myself, at least for a little bit. Until I was assaulted by brothers and sisters :)
I wasn't really attempting to be as awkward as I was; I was actually trying to avoid it, seeing no room at the table and not wanting to make people scoot over so I could pull up a chair, etc. etc.. And it turns out, I'm awkward either way. Awesome.
But I'm glad they are awesome enough to come see me when I sit by myself. I did mention a blog that was going to be "Why I Love Will Garrison." There, that's reason #1. And all the reasons I can think of at 1:20am. Sorry! ;)

Oh, and Happy Birthday to my mommy! Who should stop reading my blogs now, thank you.
Shhhhhhh. Katie's going to sleep, now.

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Day 74 - March 15, 2010

When I'm sad, my mother gives me fruit and a glass of milk. Then we talk. - Sly the Sleuth and the Food Mysteries by Donna Jo Napoli and Robert Furrow

I'll keep this in mind next time I feel a sadness or some other problem spilling over me. My ritual may be fruit, milk, and a talk with Mom - or it may be totally different. I will seek a familiar, comforting shape into which to pour my problem.

Who is getting sick of this? This is my 75th blog. Doesn't that seem excessive? I know most people get sick of their resolutions and quit within the first month or so.. It's taken me slightly longer, but I'm definitely tired of doing this, as you can probably tell from the way I've been reacting to the prompts. I haven't decided to quit, yet, though. Because I feel like that would be stupid and pointless. I can still do it, so I still should. I decided I was going to, so I should stick to it.

When I'm sad, what I do about it really depends on how I feel about it. If I want to continue to be sad, I'll listen to sad music (my sad music used to be John Mayer. Now I don't think I have anything specific) or watch a sad movie and just be by myself, sad. Perhaps with ice cream. (Phish Food is the best combination ever for sadness - chocolate and chocolate and caramel and chocolate..) If I don't want to be sad, I'll listen to upbeat/happy music (rap and hip hop is good for that; Kid Cudi is really great to feel good to) or exercise or do something fun with people. So it all depends.

Hey, look at that. I actually talked about what I was supposed to.

I told Brian about my entire Spring Break, and we have collectively decided that it could have been better. It wasn't bad or good; it could have been better. Sorry, Katherine. I know yours was awesome because you got to be with us (quote!), but you'll understand why mine wasn't spectacular, as you were there for the unspectacular parts of it. But I love you either way, so that's good.

Since it's 12:36am and I have 8am Calculus lab in the morning, I should probably get to sleep. Don't be sad, though! I'll be back tomorrow.

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Day 73 - March 14, 2010

"Spring's come early! Let's celebrate!" - Groundhog Stays Up Late by Margery Cuyler

... Hey, you know spring when you see it, but the calendar says Not yet. Does that mean you've got to wait til March 21st to feel good about all this? to shout "Yahoo! It's spring!"?

In two words: Heck no. Because life doesn't always happen according to a timetable or calendar. And feelings can't be scheduled. So as soon as I see that first crocus... "YAHOO!"

I don't know what a crocus looks like.. I also don't think I'll ever say "Yahoo."

Feelings can't be scheduled. Wouldn't it be convenient if they could be? Yes. I think so.

Shakira and myself are ready for the good times, however, I am still sick.

Also, I can't shout about spring yet, because it's supposed to be cold and rainy tomorrow. Plus, I'm going to still be sick.

Happy Pi Day. I didn't have any pie today. :(

But life doesn't always happen according to a calendar.. Like, I'm going to try to go to sleep early tonight. (Don't know what that has to do with .. anything.) Anyway.

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Day 72 - March 13, 2010

I have long since learned not to believe idle stories. - An Unlikely Friendship: A Novel of Mary Todd Lincoln and Elizabeth Keckley by Ann Rinaldi

Bad things about other people - I hear this stuff all the time. How much of it is true? How much do I believe? Starting today, I won't believe these things until they pass several tests:

• How trustworthy is the person saying it?
• Can it be verified by others or by me?
• What do my own best instincts and common sense have to say about it?
• Is my judgment impaired because I'm too anxious to believe it?

Sometimes you can't even believe what people say about things that only they would know about. If someone says, hey, I feel ___ about ____, you would think you could believe them. But you can't always.

It's hard to be able to distinguish what is true and what is not.

I am SICK. I can't breathe, and it sucks. I wish that were not true. I feel terrible.

Believe what you want, but be cautious, too.

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Day 71 - March 12, 2010

When people come up with new ideas, they have to have confidence in themselves to say, "I CAN DO IT!" - The Hero Book: Learning Lessons from the People You Admire by Ellen Sabin

If I get a new idea today - or any day - I won't run from it. I won't trash it. If it's something I really want to do - I'll do it. (Who knows, maybe it will lead to a parade someday.)

Yeah, I bet it's important to talk in all capital letters when you think of something new.

My new ideas today? I'm sick. I can't breathe. And .. something else I learned from Greg and Liz.

However. Something I really want to do that I should do? Maybe I can fix something with that. I'll let you know. Or I might not. We'll see.

This medicine is (thankfully) making me drowsy, so I'm going to go to bed, and hope for a parade.

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Day 70 - March 11, 2010

Spoon was afraid of losing what little was left of her - his memories. He was afraid of forgetting her. - Sun & Spoon by Kevin Henkes

Could I ever forget any member of my family? Of course not. But why don't I show my affection for them in a touchable way, right now? Why don't I collect from each of them a little, living keepsake and put them in a special place in my room? Someday I'll be glad I did.

I think that's stupid and I'm electing to not do it. Plus, I'm sure I have those. Or couldn't get them, because everyone related to me lives so far away.

I feel like.. crap. Basically.

"Can I just say, I think you're kinda awesome. And I'm kinda awesome. And if we put that together, it would be like.. twice the awesome."

"I don't know."

Yeah, well. I do. So. Figure it out, stupid. You don't have unlimited time. I have to leave. There are people there that could change things. It's not an Elliot Yamin song. Even though I sometimes feel like it is.

Also (and this one's directed more at myself), don't do stupid things. Jeez. Like.. really, Katie. That level of idiocy was totally uncalled for.

Yes, I'm being extremely vague. I know it. I don't really care at this point. Because basically, I'm living a Lady Antebellum song right now. Since it's just about 1:15am and all. I've also been explaining things with songs, but not by title, by artist. So I know what I'm talking about, but not everyone does. I used to always say, "That's a song, you know." Whenever anything reminded me of one. Which was all the time.

Now I'm rambling. Probably because it's past one. So since I need to be up early tomorrow, I should sleep.

I don't have any trouble remembering you. So remember me, and that I need thoughts from you. Helpful ones. Goodnight.

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